Good memories

Why do the good memories haunt me so much??

Hmm.. part 2

So im back to my blog after sometime... Was busy with my brothers wedding.. It was fun and great... Hoping the best for my brother and bhabi.. May they live happily ever after... :) However the thing of me wanting to change my overall general mood after the whole event doesnt seem to have worked out so far... Yesterday was a pretty bad day... Didnt feel like doing anything.... It just passed somehow... Today was a little bit better... MAn i still feel weird... Anyways.. having a new person at home feels good.. even though i havent been around much due to my evening shifts at work.... i have to catch up with the other blogs i read...
I wana hear some good music... i seemed to have lost my mobile's handsfree...which is a big hindrance... I seem to not really like my job... even though it has only been a month or so but still i dont feel like it... hopefully i wud be able to like it in a while or so... im just feeling tired...maybe it was the shaadi or maybe its my job.. dont know... Still feel weird...

hmmm....

Dear God,

I realized today that i really havent talked to you in quite a while... We humans are so selfish.. Even when we are going through some tough times we really dont give you any of our time... Atleast when things are going bad for us we should talk to you so you can make things better not that you wont make it better anyway... Khair.. First of all i would like to thank you about the recent job that i was given... I have been trying to get this job for a long time like over a year now.. And you finally gave to me.... Thanx a million for it... But you know us human always complain... Like now i think i have gotten myself into something really tough as compared to my easy going job of before.. but please forgive me for this as i dont know better.. This job was a part of my plan... although the plan didn't work out but deep down inside i truly know that it was for my best everything you did.. So please don't mind if i sometime show that i dont like that decision of yours... i dont know any better....I would like to thank you for bringing my brother back to me for a while... Now i just pray to you that you make everything on his wedding go well and may his wedding be the best.. And may he and my sister in law live happily ever after like in the movies.... God.. i would like to ask you to make my mom and dad happy always... becoz i think i dont do enuff to make them happy instead becoz of me they get worried... So please lessen their load... Free them off all the difficulties and give me the power to make them happy.. meanwhile you keep them happy and smiling... God i think im really weird... I know you made me that way but i think i should act a little normal now.. You should think about it and let me know if you think the same... God i still think about her everyday.. I dont know why... yes it has lessened alot now from before..And thank you alot for that... But i think there isnt a day when i havent thot abt her atleast once... God when wil this end... I know i have the power and ull be thinking right now the same thing that you have given me the power and its in me but i dont know y i still feel helpless...God give me peace of mind and body... Peace is all i need.... Please God give me the ability to make my brothers wedding the best and make everyone happy... God please make things go great for everyone especially for my brother and sister in law... help me in living my life in the best of ways and in being good to everyone... Give me strength and ability to bring happiness in the lives of the people around me and in the lives of the people i come in contact with and also in my own life... God help me in being happy for myself... In end i would to like thank you for everything.. Thanks a lot for giving the gift of life to a unworthy person like me... Hopefully i can repay you atleast 1% in return... Thanx again... Hopefully i will keep in touch this time...(yea thats what u said the last time..) .. Lastly i would like to thank you for all the friends you have given me... Please make there live comfortable and bring happiness and joy in their lives too....

Best Regards
ME

My Song

I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest who'd have known
I traced the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine, I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed, to go on
You'll be sorry when I'm gone

I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

I never thought I'd die alone
Another six months I'll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You'll never set foot in my room again
You'll close it off, board it up
Remember the time that I spilled the cup
Of apple juice in the hall
Please tell mom this is not her fault

I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

I never conquered, rarely came
Tomorrow holds such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I can't wait to get outside
The world is wide, the time goes by
The tour is over, I'd survived
I can't wait till I get home
To pass the time in my room alone

:)

So havent had this much fun in a long time..... :) Feeling good at the moment.... Just had a all boys dholki in honour of my brothers shaadi.. It was just me and my friends.... Food, heat, loadshedding , surprisingly limited amount of good bhangra songs, and lot of freestyle dancing... :P It was one hell of a party... Everyone was just jumping up and down.. flapping their arms legs feet everywhere.... They were also some slight gaps of some sort of coordinated dancing too... It was a typical boys party..... Swapped old stories when the light went... It was mostly one guy with all the stories... Then just went crazy when the light came.. :P Anyways it was alot of fun.... And i wanted and needed it to be all that... I needed something kick start my mood for my brother's wedding.. otherwise i wud have ruined it for everyone.... My brothers coming too in a couple of hours which is also great.. Had to attend to some office work too before the party... that went okay too.. So all around it was good day... Still on a high from all the dancing.. I ran out of water at my house too in the end... LOL.. It was just dancing and then a cigi and water break... :P Hope the next week goes great... And everything goes okay...

Immunity

So the other day someone told me that their immune to all kinds of feeling... I mean this person has actual immunity to feel anything... How cool is that.. I was so jealous of that person... Im sick and tired of the feelings i have... Im tired of all the crap my feelings pull on me... They make me so fucked up.... Im tired of feeling everything and im tired of feeling the nothingness... I wish i had that immunity.. Please somebody show me how do i get that immunity... How can i buy it... tell me please.. Right now ill give anything for it....

So today i have a song of the day after a long time.. And funny enuff its by lifehouse... Those of u who have followed my blog from the start..(yea like there is anyone out there who has done that... :P) ...knows that i have had ths up and down thing with lifehouse... But i had made my peace with them.... Today its their song "breathing" which is the song of the day.. Was listening to it today... This is a nice little song....

I'm finding my way back to sanity, again
Though I don't really know what
I am gonna do when I get there
Take a breath and hold on tight
Spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back in the arms of grace

I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

I am looking past the shadows
Of my mind into the truth and
I'm trying to identify
The voices in my head
God, which one's you?
Let me feel one more time
What it feels like to feel
And break these calluses off me
One more time

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside your door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

I don't want a thing from you
Bet you're tired of me waiting
For the scraps to fall
Off your table to the ground
I just want o be here now


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kqki1HCHOE&feature=related

Q of the day

found this on this blog

* if I lost you, I was the one who loved you most, but between us you lost more, for someday, Allah may open up my heart to love someone the way I love you, but you may never be loved again by anyone else, the way I did *

Somewhere i belong

So today was okay i guess.... Office was usual fucked up thing... After office hung out with a very good friend of mine.. I seem to be mostly feel good with friends.... Especially ths one... He has same issues as mine... He told me something today that made me think that they are really no set of rules to this life... I really need to chill yar... I should be fucking happy or excited or anythin..its my brother's wedding next week... This sunday throwing a party for my friends... trying to kick off something in me.... I really feel lost in my life these days.... I feel like somebody created a worm hole in my life's timeline which keeps sucking me in.... Below are the lyrics to one of the songs from my childhood... I first heard it one of those music shows that used to some on NTN or STN... its "Come undone" by duran duran... i was listening to this song today... and it felt good...

Mine, immaculate dream, made breath and skin, Ive been waiting for you,
Signed, with a home tattoo, happy birthday to you was created for you.

(cant ever keep from falling apart.. at the seams)
(cant I believe youre taking my heart.. to pieces)

Ahh, itll take a little time, might take a little crime to come undone
Now well try to stay blind, to the hope and fear outside,
Hey child, stay wilder than the wind
And blow me in to cry.

Who do you need?
Who do you love?
When you come undone.

Words, playing me deja vu, like a radio tune I swear Ive heard before,
Chill, is it something real, or the magic Im feeding off your fingers

(cant ever keep from falling apart.. at the seams)
(can I believe youre taking my heart.. to pieces)

Lost, in a snow filled sky, well make it alright, to come undone,
Now well try to stay blind, to the hope and fear outside,
Hey child, stay wilder than the wind -
And blow me in to cry.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFbDhbl3QPY

Death Note

So today was another bad day... It went really bad till 7:30... then my mom talked to me and then it went okay....Finally watched the tour de france... Fridays are mostly not okay so lets see how its gona be....

Still Hurts

So it still hurts.... now i dont even know what hurts me... But something hurts.... Today was a long and hard day... Had a office dinner... Im tired as hell... It was again one of those days... Yes it hurts... So fucking dont know what fucking hurts.... Just wana get out of this fucked up thing.... Just wana get out of it... My head is really heavy.... Just stop it... Feeling sleepy too... Maybe tomorrow will be a better day....