So life is great if you think of it in the broader picture... Great family.. Nice job in the eyes of world around me.... Great friends... Kinda have everything i need... Thank you God for everything... Some of the anonymous comments on my blog has recently have given me something... So i would like to thank that anonymous person... even though i deleted your comments.. Anyways... How come people are so bad to each other.. And how come girls are so cruel and evil when it comes to fighting among themselves.. i mean us guys are never like that... They just have one big fight and the thing is done and dusted.. What is it in the female mentality that creates such enemosity between themselves.. They so believe in that psychological warfare thing...
Anyways.. Ramadan is going okay i guess given my current situation.. even though not as good as my previous ramdans.... Hopefully it will improve....
on Thursday, August 27, 2009
Finally finished death note today.... Great ending.... Listened to the song creep today after a long time.. Musically today was a good day... Havent said that line in a long time...
When you were here before
Couldnt look you in the eye
Youre just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
And I wish I was special
Youre so fuckin special
But Im a creep, Im a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.
I dont care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When Im not around
Youre so fuckin special
I wish I was special
But Im a creep, Im a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.
Shes running out again,
Shes running out
Shes run run run running out...
Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
Youre so fuckin special
I wish I was special...
But Im a creep, Im a weirdo,
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.
I dont belong here.
What a song...
When you were here before
Couldnt look you in the eye
Youre just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
And I wish I was special
Youre so fuckin special
But Im a creep, Im a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.
I dont care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When Im not around
Youre so fuckin special
I wish I was special
But Im a creep, Im a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.
Shes running out again,
Shes running out
Shes run run run running out...
Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
Youre so fuckin special
I wish I was special...
But Im a creep, Im a weirdo,
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.
I dont belong here.
What a song...
on Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Im trying to feel better... Im trying to think positive.. Ive decided to try harder.. Try once again... Im gona try my best for the people who really love me and can't see me sad and depressed.. And who actually hurt alot becoz of me being this way... Especially my mom and dad... So trying even harder now...
I guess im to be continuing the thoughts thing...
1. im afraid that i wont be able to pass this ramadan in the way it shud be passed.
2. I still cant believe how everyone is so different from each other.
3. How people enjoy so much in the misery of others.
4. When will i stop having flash back memories of her.
5. I think kasana is right.. im definitely a loser.
6. I hope to be happy once again one day.
7. How come i feel that i have so much love to give but i just cant express it.
8. i really do have great people around me..
9. I dont like my job... i really sucks sometimes..
10. I missing having someone whose always their to help me clear my mind and make feel relaxed..
11. I feel claustrophobic when my mind is overcrowded with thots...
12. You just cant make some of the thoughts out when ur mind is so overcrowded.
13. I really wana finish death note in the next couple of days..
14. I think really take tension about the smallest of things.
15. I cant help it .. its in my nature..
16. I really do care.
17. I wonder anyone whose reading this is feeling at that moment.
18. And yes AD i have cried in my thoughts too... I think i do it alot..
19. I think crying doesnt make you weak....
20. I hope it doesnt...
21. Allah please forgive me for everything and give me the peace of mind...
22. Whatever ..
1. im afraid that i wont be able to pass this ramadan in the way it shud be passed.
2. I still cant believe how everyone is so different from each other.
3. How people enjoy so much in the misery of others.
4. When will i stop having flash back memories of her.
5. I think kasana is right.. im definitely a loser.
6. I hope to be happy once again one day.
7. How come i feel that i have so much love to give but i just cant express it.
8. i really do have great people around me..
9. I dont like my job... i really sucks sometimes..
10. I missing having someone whose always their to help me clear my mind and make feel relaxed..
11. I feel claustrophobic when my mind is overcrowded with thots...
12. You just cant make some of the thoughts out when ur mind is so overcrowded.
13. I really wana finish death note in the next couple of days..
14. I think really take tension about the smallest of things.
15. I cant help it .. its in my nature..
16. I really do care.
17. I wonder anyone whose reading this is feeling at that moment.
18. And yes AD i have cried in my thoughts too... I think i do it alot..
19. I think crying doesnt make you weak....
20. I hope it doesnt...
21. Allah please forgive me for everything and give me the peace of mind...
22. Whatever ..
on Saturday, August 22, 2009
I think 50 first thoughts are a little to much for me but ill just write how much i can...
1. I have been feeling a bit better for the last couple of days.
2. Happy wedding anniversary to my parents. The truly happily ever after ive seen.(like the one in the movies).
3. Office is gona be tough in office, now that my team is a little bit depleted.
4. I really get my act straight for ramadan , havent really being praying that much lately.
5. Please God forgive me for everything.
6. Forgive me for my depressive and pessimistic nature.
7. I really wana make my parents happy and proud of me.
8. Fuck just got to know that i would have to spend time today in office becoz of chand right.. Really not liking this operations job of mine...
9. Now im not in a good mood.
10. Khair anyways this is life have to deal with it.
11. Really living life day by day now.
12. Im thinking im gona cut this short.
13. Shit man i really wanted to spend sometime with my parents today since its their wedding anniversary.
Thats it sorry bitter just not in the mood for writing anymore.. Thanks for the tag.. :)
1. I have been feeling a bit better for the last couple of days.
2. Happy wedding anniversary to my parents. The truly happily ever after ive seen.(like the one in the movies).
3. Office is gona be tough in office, now that my team is a little bit depleted.
4. I really get my act straight for ramadan , havent really being praying that much lately.
5. Please God forgive me for everything.
6. Forgive me for my depressive and pessimistic nature.
7. I really wana make my parents happy and proud of me.
8. Fuck just got to know that i would have to spend time today in office becoz of chand right.. Really not liking this operations job of mine...
9. Now im not in a good mood.
10. Khair anyways this is life have to deal with it.
11. Really living life day by day now.
12. Im thinking im gona cut this short.
13. Shit man i really wanted to spend sometime with my parents today since its their wedding anniversary.
Thats it sorry bitter just not in the mood for writing anymore.. Thanks for the tag.. :)
on Wednesday, August 19, 2009
So listening to "until the day i die" by "story of the year" which surprisingly was the first ever song she gave me... How ironic... isn't it.. Anyways.. i think i have a disease.. Like the serious kind.. But i don't know what to do... Yesterday was a little better.. Last night was hectic.. Came home around 9 in the morning... Positive point didn't have to go to office today.. So chilled...
I ve decided to some how get back into movies... Watched an indian movie the other day "DEv D"... Liked it was nice... It was the modern day version of Devdas....
My Favorite RJ on fm 89 is leaving the rush hour show which is sad... No more listening to good music on the radio....
Im generally a Sad person... And everybody is getting sick and tired of it... I mean those who have started to know me quite recently.... But my true friends are always there.. And they know whats going on.... And i thank God for that...
I know getting NA UMEED is kufr which makes me feel even more bad... Im just a messed up good for nothing pathetic example of a perverted human being....
Anyways listen to the song....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNyOfIJiGxg
I ve decided to some how get back into movies... Watched an indian movie the other day "DEv D"... Liked it was nice... It was the modern day version of Devdas....
My Favorite RJ on fm 89 is leaving the rush hour show which is sad... No more listening to good music on the radio....
Im generally a Sad person... And everybody is getting sick and tired of it... I mean those who have started to know me quite recently.... But my true friends are always there.. And they know whats going on.... And i thank God for that...
I know getting NA UMEED is kufr which makes me feel even more bad... Im just a messed up good for nothing pathetic example of a perverted human being....
Anyways listen to the song....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNyOfIJiGxg
on Monday, August 17, 2009
So im listening to the Flames by vast and feeling the most horrible of feelings... Finding it hard to survive... Feel like crying... I think i have passed the point of picking my self up... I have passed the point of boasting myself up ...I have passed the point of finding that inner feeling... Nobody can help me now.. Not even me... All my loved ones have tried so hard... I love them all so much... Thank you God for giving me them... All i have left is to count the remaining seconds of my life tick by... I know im probably gona go to hell for thinking like this but...AAaaaa... 1 2 3 4.....
And the counting starts.....
"Not one day goes by that I don't know that I'm dying"
And the counting starts.....
"Not one day goes by that I don't know that I'm dying"
A broken guitar is hidden,
somewhere in the dark corners of my heart,
and whenever a chord is struck,
even if unknowingly,
it still plays a sad note.
Leaves an empty feeling,
sort of being hollow inside,
even if it lasts for seconds few.
Stitches no matter how old,
still leave a mark,
though completely faded,
the sense of that pain remains,
when brushed lightly with a soft touch.
I want peace that lasts forever,
and a healing that makes me feel free,
and doesnt remind me of my scars that were.
I want 'me' like how I was,
when I was not how I am.'
This is written by Artist formerly known as PINK ORCHID...Copied of her last post..:P
i hope she doesn't mind...
somewhere in the dark corners of my heart,
and whenever a chord is struck,
even if unknowingly,
it still plays a sad note.
Leaves an empty feeling,
sort of being hollow inside,
even if it lasts for seconds few.
Stitches no matter how old,
still leave a mark,
though completely faded,
the sense of that pain remains,
when brushed lightly with a soft touch.
I want peace that lasts forever,
and a healing that makes me feel free,
and doesnt remind me of my scars that were.
I want 'me' like how I was,
when I was not how I am.'
This is written by Artist formerly known as PINK ORCHID...Copied of her last post..:P
i hope she doesn't mind...
on Sunday, August 16, 2009
So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange
A walk on part in the war,
For a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange
A walk on part in the war,
For a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.
on Friday, August 14, 2009
A friend of mine once told me that he liked this actress on tv but he didnt know why he liked her.. Than he realized that his face resembled that of his ex... and that once a person loses someone/something he tries to find it in other people and other things... At that time i didnt give much weightage to him but then for the last couple of days i realized that it was happening to me too.. I was staring at girls whose faces resembled that of hers.. I mean this happens.. Atleast it did a little for me.. Anyways.. Some random stuff...
Your gentle voice I hear
Your words echo inside me
You said "You long for me, that you love me"
And I want to see you too, feels just like I'm falling
Is there nothing I can do, wonder if you hear my calling
I'm here and waiting for you
Where are you, I can't find you
I'm here and waiting for you
I'll wait forever for you
Does she have someone she loves more than me
I thought I could love you better, we were always together
If we took some time apart you would finally know my heart
I'm here and waiting for you
Where are you, I can't find you
I'm here and waiting for you
I'll wait forever for you
I fell in Love with you and now you're gone
There's nothing left within my lonely room without you
I'm here and waiting for you
Where are you, I can't find you
I'm here and waiting for you
I'll wait forever for you
Your words echo inside me
You said "You long for me, that you love me"
And I want to see you too, feels just like I'm falling
Is there nothing I can do, wonder if you hear my calling
I'm here and waiting for you
Where are you, I can't find you
I'm here and waiting for you
I'll wait forever for you
Does she have someone she loves more than me
I thought I could love you better, we were always together
If we took some time apart you would finally know my heart
I'm here and waiting for you
Where are you, I can't find you
I'm here and waiting for you
I'll wait forever for you
I fell in Love with you and now you're gone
There's nothing left within my lonely room without you
I'm here and waiting for you
Where are you, I can't find you
I'm here and waiting for you
I'll wait forever for you
on Thursday, August 13, 2009
So my brother left today... actually just an hour or so ago... Feeling sad about it... Had to stay late in office today so didnt get much time to spend with him on his last day here... Gona miss him again.. It just feels good having him around.... Anyways life is just like that... Hopefully the newest member of our small family can fill his place.... Love ya bro... take care.. Have fun...
on Wednesday, August 12, 2009
close your eyes
let me touch you now
let me give you something that is real
close the door
leave your fears behind
let me give you what you're giving me
you are the only thing
that makes me want to live at all
when i am with you
there's no reason to pretend
that when i am with you i feel flames again
just put me inside you
i would never ever leave
just put me inside you
i would never ever leave
you
let me touch you now
let me give you something that is real
close the door
leave your fears behind
let me give you what you're giving me
you are the only thing
that makes me want to live at all
when i am with you
there's no reason to pretend
that when i am with you i feel flames again
just put me inside you
i would never ever leave
just put me inside you
i would never ever leave
you
on Monday, August 10, 2009
Im having my head pain as usual.... Everybody has it own problems... Im feeling in the words of a friend of mine that "life sucks".... How do i make someone who is feeling that way feel better.. Ppl are having their results come out.... And trust me these things dont matter in the long run... I am out... Havent been in my "THAT" meaning talkative wala mood for a long time.. Has been ages since ive been in that mood... What? Why? How?
on Saturday, August 8, 2009
Feeling a bit better.... Using my mobile for writing my post.. Its quite cool.. Nokia 5800.. Good for listening to music.. Though dont have the time for fully using it.. I miss meeting up with frnds almost each day.. My job has taken up all the time in my life.. Guess just wud have to deal wid it.. Lets see how i deal wid it... Loved AD's post today.. I wish i had sumone for that kind of stuff..:p..
on Wednesday, August 5, 2009
So it still fucking hurts even after me staying busy most of the time... I still find the time to think about my stuff... Today i saw the movie "Love aaj kal".. I didnt know y i went wid my family.. Even when i knew love stories reallly mess me up... I gues i was testing my self... so guess wat testing failed... They still mess me up... The whole time i was thinking the last time i watched an indian movie in the cinema was with her... Aaaaaaaaaa.... And i havent told anyone this but i still have the movie tickets from my first date with her.. I dont know why but i am hating my life right now... Please God Forgive me for this..
on Sunday, August 2, 2009
So is there something in this world that is considered as so goood that it will fall apart... I think there is but im not sure about.. There has to be something like that.... If there is how are we suppose to know what are the things which are the right amount of good..... Hmm...
I like this somehow....
Sari Raat Jaga Ray Jaga Ray...
Lagay Dil Hara Ray Hara Ray...
Kho Diyay Wo Lamhay Saray Ray...
Teray Bin Kaun Mein Yaara Ray...
Meri Jaan Tu Nay Jana Menay Jana...
Meri Jaan Teri Haan Meri Haan...
Dar Aya Daur Aya...
Dar Aya Daur Aya Na...
Rat Jaagi Yaadein Meray Dil Mein
Kho Diya Na Paya Jo Bhi Dil Nay...
Teray Liyay Hara Yara Ray...
Teray Liyay Saray Ghum Hain Sahay...
Teray Liyay...
Jab Teri Aankhein So Jayein...
Aur Teri Yadein Kho Jayien...
Teray Tan Mein Teray Man Mein...
Teray Ghar Ko Aag Lag Jayay...
Aur Tujhay Jag Na Ayay...
Sari Raat Jaga Ray Jaga Ray...
Dobay Man Mera Jo Hara Ray Hara Ray...
Kho Diyay Wo Lamhay Saray Ray...
Aaj Hein Dhoondtay Yaara Ray...
Rat Jaagi Aahein Meray Dil Mein...
Kho Diya Na Paya Jo Bhi Dil Nay...
Teray Liyay Hara Yara Ray...
Teray Liyay Saray Ghum Hain Sahay...
Teray Liyay...
Jab Teri Aankhein So Jayein...
Aur Teri Yadein Kho Jayien...
Teray Tan Mein Teray Man Mein...
Teray Ghar Ko Aag Lag Jayay...
Aur Tujhay Jag Na Ayay...
Jab Teri Aankhein So Jayein...
Aur Teri Yadein Kho Jayien...
Teray Tan Mein Teray Man Mein...
Teray Ghar Ko Aag Lag Jayay...
Aur Tujhay Jag Na Ayay...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-S5U2GXKBSo&feature=player_embedded
Sari Raat Jaga Ray Jaga Ray...
Lagay Dil Hara Ray Hara Ray...
Kho Diyay Wo Lamhay Saray Ray...
Teray Bin Kaun Mein Yaara Ray...
Meri Jaan Tu Nay Jana Menay Jana...
Meri Jaan Teri Haan Meri Haan...
Dar Aya Daur Aya...
Dar Aya Daur Aya Na...
Rat Jaagi Yaadein Meray Dil Mein
Kho Diya Na Paya Jo Bhi Dil Nay...
Teray Liyay Hara Yara Ray...
Teray Liyay Saray Ghum Hain Sahay...
Teray Liyay...
Jab Teri Aankhein So Jayein...
Aur Teri Yadein Kho Jayien...
Teray Tan Mein Teray Man Mein...
Teray Ghar Ko Aag Lag Jayay...
Aur Tujhay Jag Na Ayay...
Sari Raat Jaga Ray Jaga Ray...
Dobay Man Mera Jo Hara Ray Hara Ray...
Kho Diyay Wo Lamhay Saray Ray...
Aaj Hein Dhoondtay Yaara Ray...
Rat Jaagi Aahein Meray Dil Mein...
Kho Diya Na Paya Jo Bhi Dil Nay...
Teray Liyay Hara Yara Ray...
Teray Liyay Saray Ghum Hain Sahay...
Teray Liyay...
Jab Teri Aankhein So Jayein...
Aur Teri Yadein Kho Jayien...
Teray Tan Mein Teray Man Mein...
Teray Ghar Ko Aag Lag Jayay...
Aur Tujhay Jag Na Ayay...
Jab Teri Aankhein So Jayein...
Aur Teri Yadein Kho Jayien...
Teray Tan Mein Teray Man Mein...
Teray Ghar Ko Aag Lag Jayay...
Aur Tujhay Jag Na Ayay...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-S5U2GXKBSo&feature=player_embedded
on Saturday, August 1, 2009
My world is dark and gloomy... It consists of very thick air which makes it very hard to breath for anyone whose living in it... It consists of very huge forests with trees that have no leaves.... Theres a never ending river that passes in between the forrest with cold water running in it all the time... The sound of which seems pleasent at first but after a while it sounds creepy as its a never ending sound and you cant escape it.... Clouds are always their...There is no sun... However at night time there always a full moon... Wolves can always be heard at night time... Once in a while the color of the river water changes to red or purple... The dirt on the ground predomintes the weeds and grass... You can see a burn down cottage always at a distance...however the closer you go to it the further it seems.... i live in this world all alone... Me leaving this world of mine is not in my control... Sometimes i blink and i find myself no more in this world and sometimes in a blink of an eye im back in this world again... Its a mystery that someone need to solve....
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