on Tuesday, August 31, 2010
So i guess im lost again... Wait.. i was lost before too.. Im just lost... I have lost wali feeling almost 40% of the day... That so fucked up... And now i have realized that what this lifestyle had clinically and medically done to me....I'm Psychologically and Medically broke... What more is wrong with me.....
on Friday, August 27, 2010
So really not feeling so good right now... Im in that moment when u like sleep after iftari and u wake up at around 11:30 pm or something .. And u realized that u shud have gone out with friends instead of sleeping it out... U just have that bad taste in your mouth of undigested food.. ( i know disgusting.. ) And ur brain is like completely numb... And ur thinking of all the bad things that have happened to you... I wish i had a girl friend or something... So i could text the bad feelings away.... I know im a loser with a capital L... Listening to last to know by three days (refer to my last post if u wana listen too) which is not making things better.... Now im thinking that i kinda revel in moment like these..... Im weird.. :S
on Wednesday, August 25, 2010
So three days grace is my savior these days.... Been listening to their new album... It rocks... Totally... It just does... I love it.... Seriously im in love with them...
A couple of the songs are...

Last To Know

Someone Who Cares

So my plans of going to Netherlands might have gotten fucked up... A training of mine has come up and i might have to go to BRNO, CZECH republic... Seriously i don't travel that much and now i have these two trips to Europe... :P Well.. the Netherlands trip might not happen because of the Visa may not be available that early or something... But im planing on going to netherlans anyway maybe after the training or something.... But lets see... Things are going to be weird... :P
on Monday, August 23, 2010
So as everyone has been blogging around... Our country has just gone down the drain... And now there is no use talking about.... Everybody is just so god damn depressed... They feel so helpless... They don't know what to do... I think my depression was contagious or something.... It spread to the whole of the country.... Yea it totally feels that way to me.. Its either that or im just living in alternate reality of my own and my brain is just molding the world around me like the way i am feeling.. Woah.. that could be movie or something... Anyways... We need to get out of this shell of helplessness.... This seems like the movie i saw yesterday.. "shutter island"... you know when everything is just so weird... I need to be in one of those mental hospitals... I think i have a split personality now (like you haven't thought that before).. coz now i'm yelling inside my brain to stop acting so crazy.. Stop acting like your this mentally damaged person... Your totally normal... So just grow up and act like it....

So what can we do about our country... Well... one thought is that all of could take a indefinite leave of absence from our jobs and stuff that we are doing and just go help the flood affected people... Our we don't need to be so dramatic we could just go and help on the weekends... Cut down on our wasteful spending (easier said than done) and the money we save up, give to the people that need them... By the way i think there are alot of good people out there who are actually really doing this stuff , as in working their ass off and giving alot of money but the scale of the disaster is just way too big... I think the civilian organizations should start working with the Army.. because all of us know that the only institution in this country that may have the resources to deal with us is the ARMY... Somehow there needs to be a liaison person between the Army and the civilians...

Write now i have this funny picture in my mind... Like it happens in the disaster movies... There is this central command authority and they have this fancy screens with maps on them with the affected areas highlighted .. And everyone is on the phone co-coordinating the efforts... Like everyone knows where food is required.. Where water is required... Where there are alot of injured people... You know... Things like that... I so wish we had something like that in our country.... Anyways.. back to how i started the post... We can dream and hope but there not much left of it... And everybody is just depressed... And i haven't even started talking about the barbaric Sialkot incident (yea we just call it that.. Can't even think about it..)... And the law and order situation in Karachi... I mean... I maybe committing blasphemy here but i really think that God is just kinda sick & tired with us(including me)... But there is still hope... Yes there always is... They are still good people out there... There are still beautiful babies being born in the camps.... There are still ordinary people help other ordinary people... They are still good things happening... Our bullshit media just needs to portray it more often... (OH yes i really hate our media.. Someday soon im gona write a conspiracy theory about the media).... If they carry on reporting depressing things or just filming people crying... All of our people will need long hours a therapy sessions with a psychiatrist....

On a personal note... I need to take care of myself.. I need to clean up my act... I need have a better sleep routine... Coz the current one isn't good for my health (Im serious)... I need to do something productive outside my job... Or atleast i need to find something... Lets just start with a good routine and some exercise.. :P

So have been listening to some good music lately.... Three days grace new album is great ... Have always loved them... Here is one of the songs.. Appropriately Depressing.. :D

Three Days Grace - World So Cold

I never thought I'd feel this
Guilty and I'm broken down inside
Livin' with myself nothing but lies

I always thought I'd make it
But never knew I'd let it get so bad
Livin' with myself is all I have

I feel numb
I can't come to life
I feel like I'm frozen in time

Livin' in a world so cold, wasting away
Livin' in a shell with no soul since you've gone away
Livin' in a world so cold, counting the days
Since you've gone away, you've gone away

Do you ever feel me?
Do you ever look deep down inside
Starin' at yourself, paralyzed?

I feel numb
I can't come to life
I feel like I'm frozen in time

Livin' in a world so cold, wasting away
Livin' in a shell with no soul since you've gone away
Livin' in a world so cold, counting the days
Since you've gone away, you've gone away from me

I'm too young to lose my soul
I'm too young to feel this old
So long, I'm left behind
I feel like I'm losing my mind

Do you ever feel me?
Do you ever look deep down inside
Starin' at your life, paralyzed?

Livin' in a world so cold, wasting away
Livin' in a shell with no soul since you've gone away
Livin' in a world so cold, counting the days
Since you've gone away, you've gone away from me

I'm too young
I'm too young
on Tuesday, August 17, 2010
So i have found the ultimate chick song... I mean this song is soo amazing... This is for all the girls out there who had their man taken away from them by some other girl.... This song rocks..... I so feel for this girl....


Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Im begging of you please don't take my man
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Please don't take him just because you can
Your beauty is beyond compare
With flaming locks of auburn hair
With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green
Your smile is like a breath of spring
Your voice is soft like summer rain
And I cannot compete with you, jolene

He talks about you in his sleep
There's nothing I can do to keep
From crying when he calls your name, jolene

And I can easily understand
How you could easily take my man
But you don't know what he means to me, jolene

Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Im begging of you please don't take my man
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Please don't take him just because you can

You could have your choice of men
But I could never love again
Hes the only one for me, jolene

I had to have this talk with you
My happiness depends on you
And whatever you decide to do, jolene

Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Im begging of you please don't take my man
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Please don't take him even though you can
Jolene, jolene
on Sunday, August 15, 2010
So ramadan is here.. And as usual im not spending it as it should be.... As in religious wise.. But this time i don't wana coz it will be all fake.... Coz im just not ready during my normal days so why should i do it during Ramadan.. I mean that would be like cheating with God.... So i don't wana cheat with him.... Someday i will do good to God... And beg forgiveness... Though i need to do something....

I need to help people.... I want to help people.. Somehow... I want to help the country... I don't know...

So EP has got there new song out... Its kinda cool.. Even though it could have been much better.. I mean his voice could have been much louder.. I mean like scream the hell out... Butt saab was better thought... I like the song though....

So this is what our country should be doing.... i mean the revolution should be through things like this.... There should be alot of songs like these coming around... I mean i know it might be not taken serious but it should start with a couple of songs like these but than it should start something.... I really think that the theater should be doing something... I mean start plays.... These days there is only one place where plays are staged but their should be more places.... Then start political satires... And keep running the plays... Some people should be sponsoring it for a long time... And these politically revolutionary play should run in parallel... And just keep running and spread the word around.... I think people should now start an artistic wise revolution... Maybe something will happen....
And people should keep writing stuff... Articles die down... Books should be written... Books really do have an impact....

People are really suffering in the country... And they are gona suffer some more... All the rest of the people can do is do something.... Just do something... What am i doing is telling people to do something which is like the lowest form of doing something... Anyways people should do something....

At a personal level im not doing so good.... Though i feel so guilty that people around me are way worse...... I mean things are just coming along... I just haven't woken up... And me waking up is really hard... I push away people who really know whats going on... I stay close to people who don't know whats going on... There are some friends who i keep close and they are good... But Everything seems okay... And it will be okay.... I just wana scream out loud....

I want someone to come with me to the tallest building in the city and scream out loud... Who will come with me?? Anyone??
on Sunday, August 8, 2010
How much can a person be messed up... I mean there should be a limit to these things... You shouldn't just keep on getting messed up more every day... I'm so feeling weird right now... Im so bad too my parents... Im so bad to myself.. Im so bad to my stupid brain... I need help... I definitely need help... I wana just leave everything and walk away from my life... Yea thats what should i do... Just leave everything and walk away... Fuckk... Im just soo unbelievably messed up.... Somebody help me... But be warned i usually run away from people who try to help me...
on Wednesday, August 4, 2010
So i finally found this song i was searching for... I heard a while back.. didn't know the name.... Tried to search it online but couldn't find it... Heard it again a couple of days back.. Didn't know the name... Searched for it again and found it... :D Heres the song...

Heart Skipped A Beat

Please don't say we're done
When I'm not finished
I could give you so much
Make you feel, like never before
Welcome, they said welcome to the floor

It's been a while
And you've found someone better
But I've been waiting too long to give this up
The more I see, I understand
But sometimes, I still need you

Sometimes, I still need you

I was struggling to get in
Left waiting outside your door
I was sure
You'd give me more

No need to come to me
When I can make it all the way to you
You made it clear
You weren't near
Near enough for me

Heart skipped a beat
And when I caught it you were out of reach
But I'm sure, I'm sure
You've heard if before

So things have been really messed up in the country... Especially with the floods... Now i hear its like 3 million people displaced... Kinda been trying to do something.. Made a small donation... But thats all i did.. I wana do more... Im addicted to this song... I wana make things better around me... I wana make myself better somehow... As i just have to right now... I need to repair my damaged life... Im trying... But not having much affect but still kinda trying....
We need to do something for this country of ours....