on Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Im so sick & tired of this life......
on Tuesday, December 29, 2009
So it was a year on 27th dec... The day it was final that we weren't gona be together.. And now shes getting married this weekend.. For the last 10 days i have been regressing... But im hoping it will end after this weekend... My holidays are going by like i expected fast and without any purpose... Been listening to the song i posted below.... Its a nice song... Its a song about what i really shud be thinking.. About being a simple kind of man... Khair all the best to her and everyone i know...ADIOS

Well Mama told me, when I was young
Said sit beside me, my only son.
And listen closely, to what I say.
And if you do this,
It will help you some sunny day.
Ahh Yeah it will.

Oh Take your time... Don't live too fast,
Troubles will come, and they will pass.
You'll find a woman, and you'll find love,
And don't forget that,
There is someone up above.

And be a simple kind of man.
Be a something, you love and understand.
And be a simple kind of man.
Won't you do this for me son,
If you can?
If you can?

Forget your lust, for the rich man's gold
All that you need now, is in your soul,
And you can do this, oh baby, if you try.
All that I want from you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

And be a simple kind of man.
Be a something, you love and understand.
Baby, be a simple kind of man.
Oh won't you do this for me son,
If you can?
If you can?

Oh, don't you worry, you'll find yourself.
Follow you heart, and nothing else.
And you can do this, oh baby, if you try.
All that I want from you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

And be a simple kind of man,
Oh won't you do this for me son,
if you can?
So baby be a simple, be a simple man
Oh won't you do this for me son,
if you can?
on Monday, December 28, 2009
"So when you're head is empty and there's nothing left to think about, remember me.
Because I deserve at least that much time with you."
Nur Rahman
on Friday, December 25, 2009
I have no words to say.... Just a song..

on Wednesday, December 23, 2009
So i dreamed of her a couple of days ago.... but i failed to blog about it... It was weird... Maybe the feelings are coming because shes going to get married next week... Which is weird somehow too... The dream was weird realyy.. WTF.... Anyways my annual leaves have started from today... Hope they dont go to waste ... Havent done anything since morning... Need to do something.... Aaaaa... Ubee has got me stuck on the anathema song.... I guess it definitely is a one last goodbye...

on Friday, December 18, 2009
No i wasn't.

I think a couple of weeks ago or maybe last week.Done remember.

No i don't

Probably not. Im too boring.

I like to

Self satisfaction

I dont think so

I don't eat cereal.


No dont wana move.

Dont know.. Its different for guys and girls... Dont know abt the guys.. But for the girls its the feet.

Red probably


Dont know

Umm.. Her.. Shit i thought i was over her..

Not really.. upto others


No shoes..Im in bed.


Your winter by sister hazel


Smell of dirt after the rain..

My boss.. LOL

Yea i like Ally :D


Black i guess

Um.. i think its kinda hazelish brown and green.. Nobody can ever tell :P

Maybe.. Not sure

Pizza and french fries


Probably happy endings


White out.Alone.


Its a kameez.. Greyish



Both.xoxo mmmwahmwah :D Lol.. u agree



No mouse pad.



Fun with Friends


Umm.. bhawalpur i guess.. i dont go away from home much

Don't know,I'd have to think about it.


Umm... Pta nai


No spouse at the moment.
on Tuesday, December 15, 2009
I just wanted to be her friend... A person she could always depend on... A person she knew was always there for her but things changed ... And im the one who changed them....

Im scared that i wont love anyone else like her..... And like the song says that she'll be with me for the rest of my life..... Oh man not a regression....
on Sunday, December 13, 2009
So here comes another series in my sunday morning posts... Been in bed a very long time... Just came across this song... i think i had forgotten a little... This was our song.... I want this to be someone else's song... The band "within reason" brought back alot of nostalgic memories.... Those were kinda good fun... Thing goes as it is...

Here is the song....

Tonight I'll be dreaming home alone in my bed
I do my best thinking when I'm all by myself
Wonder where you are now and if you're feeling the same
And if you got the letter that I sent yesterday

What can I do now just to make things right?
Cause I haven't slept now in the past 3 nights
Cause I want to hold you for all your days
Take my hand just let me show you the way
And I want to hold you lets make it right
Cause I'll be with you now for the rest of your life

Now somebody told me everything that you said
and how you look out your window before you crawl into bed
And you refuse to move on now cause you're feeling the same
and there's tears on the letter that I sent yesterday

What can I do now just to fix this tonight
Cause I wont sleep until we make this right
Cause I want to hold you for all your days
Take my hand just let me show you the way
And I want to hold you we'll make it right
cause I'll be with you now for the rest of your life

Cause I want to hold you for all your days
Take my hand just let me show you the way
And I want to hold you lets make it right
Cause I'll be with you now for the rest of your life

And I want to hold you for all your days
Take my hand just let me show you the way
And I want to hold you we'll make it right
Cause I'll be with you now for the rest of your life
And I'll be with you now for the rest of your life
AndI'll be with you now for the rest of your life

on Tuesday, December 8, 2009
I guess i qualify as one of those people whose mood can change with one song... Today my mood became weird with this song....
By the way I love "the cure"... One of my favorite bands....

I've been looking so long at these pictures of you
That I almost believe that they're real
I've been living so long with my pictures of you
That I almost believe that the pictures are
All I can feel

You standing quiet in the rain
As I ran to your heart to be near
And we kissed as the sky fell in
Holding you close
How I always held close in your fear
You running soft through the night
You were bigger and brighter and wider than snow
And screamed at the make-believe
Screamed at the sky
And you finally found all your courage
To let it all go

You fallen into my arms
Crying for the death of your heart
You were stone white
So delicate
Lost in the cold
You were always so lost in the dark
You how you used to be
Slow drowned
You were angels
So much more than everything
Hold for the last time then slip away quietly
Open my eyes
But I never see anything

If only I'd thought of the right words
I could have held on to your heart
If only I'd thought of the right words
I wouldn't be breaking apart
All my pictures of you

Looking so long at these pictures of you
But I never hold on to your heart
Looking so long for the words to be true
But always just breaking apart
My pictures of you

There was nothing in the world
That I ever wanted more
Than to feel you deep in my heart
There was nothing in the world
That I ever wanted more
Than to never feel the breaking apart
All my pictures of you
on Saturday, December 5, 2009
So the blast that happened a couple days ago in parade lane pindi has had quite the affect on me.... Im saying it that coz i still thinking about even after a couple of days.... otherwise i forget about these blasts the next day... i said you stop thinking about these things the next day coz you havent lost anyone you know in these blasts.... but it has started to change.... Even though i didnt know any of the people who passed away in the blast directly but it has come down to one degree of separation now... i know alot of people who have lost someone they know in the blast.... And it has gotten really fucked up... May Allah bless all those who passed away.... All this stuff have made me even more emotional than normal.... And i get all weird when i get emotional.... I start thinking about multiple little weird things.... Start thinking about weird stuff... I need to do something to stop this... i dont know what..... what can we do... we cant just sit and mourn and then wait for the next blast to happen.... Are we really so helpless.... We have lost so many good people..... This just has to stop somehow...... The only thing that ive heard and that comes to mind is that we have to stay united.... And that sounds so fucking cliche.... Or maybe we should all join the intelligence agencies and just fight....But... fuck... life goes on..... Maybe not for the ones who lost someone close.... There life is lost.... derailed... changed... stuck in time... But then they are people who are really strong and believe in God... i've seen those people... i dont know if these people are just putting up a brave face or something... But they say they believe and maybe they really do....

I hate myself... i really do... i wana fight the devil in me....I Wana do something... i wana change this somehow...
But i dont do anything....

I've started watching one tree hill again.. LOL... it makes me feel better... Hahahaha.. those emo hunters are gona have a field day with this ...... But it really does a little... i used to watch it becoz it made me forget about my life and i got immersed in the tree hill life... yea those were the good old days.....

Anyways... its another long sunday morning in bed... i think is becoming a tradition now... a sunday morning post.... :P The thing that is bothering me is that i wana talk to my ex about this blast... And i wana know how shes feeling about it.... But i cant.... How come in the hollywood movies the ex boyfriend or girlfriend are always the best friends.... Does that really happen.. i dont know maybe.... but the cycle maybe different..... u cant be friends first than in a relationship and then friends again..... I dont know how life works.....

Okay this is my final line for today.... "The only way to really get over someone is to find someone else...." Trust me there is no other way... it really isn't....

Khair... Good Morning....
on Friday, December 4, 2009
A more appropriate song....

This is probably a appropriate song for today...


So people...... things are getting really worse in my city.... It used to be so peacefully... People dieing so much... And alot of people around me are being affected... I hate it .. i hate this .... Who the fuck are these people.... A friend of friend/colleague passed away in the blast today... He was in the mosque... Trying to safe his brother... His nikah was in 2 weeks.... dont know any details... A friend of a cousin also passed away..... This is so fucked up... i was really worried about my EX... but i got to know through another friend that she was okay.... but i dont know if everyone she knows is okay..... This is really messed up....

Whats happening???

But life goes on.....As it always does... until you die..
on Saturday, November 28, 2009
There are points in your life about which you can easily say that your a different person after that point... Some people have alot of those points... Some people have points which other people can easily understand.... While others have points which are lame like mine and are not worthy..... Another long Sunday morning in bed alone.... Thinking about weird things... Oh man am i having a regression of some sorts..... I have no clue....

So i survived my on call eid.... Only had to go to office once that too coz our stupid CEO was visiting...... Had nice talk with friends on the phone... Hung out with friends.. Played some snooker... And that wraps my eid...

Will she ever realize... I think im not gona do anything.... Hope to see her soon....

I feel a little cheezy putting this song in my post... People think that this is a simple song... Its not... Its a really difficult song to understand... And you have to have a special mind set to understand it.....

I cant live... With or without you....
on Thursday, November 26, 2009
I don't know why or how... but tonight i thought about her.... I missed her alot tonight... I miss her... Just one of those days.... Im tired... I wish i could talk to her... I can actually see her online on my msn today.... Im just tired.... Hmm...
Been listening to the zeppelin song.."Hey Hey What Can i Do"....

Hoping that no issues will come over the eid in the mobilink network... So that my eid wont be ruined like the last time.... Eid mubarik to you all....
on Sunday, November 22, 2009

I really do get by with the help of my friends.......

Do watch the movie "Across the Universe"....
So used to watch all these teenage high school series like The OC, One tree hill, Gossip Girl etc.... Im still watching like "the vampire diaries".... So one of the main part of these series are the songs..... I used to search around for the songs and love... Vampire diaries also has nice songs but now im just not up for searching around....

Anyway one of the songs that i liked alot.. Was Sum41's "with me" from the Gossip Girl... It was one of the times when i was in love.... And it felt like what i meant... And i dedicated this song to my ex when i was madly in love with her.. But since im not now... I dedicate this song to the future someone.....

I need to start reading some stuff.. Read around increase some more info...

I am waiting for my Good Luck to happen....
on Saturday, November 21, 2009
I used to have alot to say.... About different things... But recently i haven't really alot to say... Death is always around us... One of my best friends uncle (khalo) died... which is sad.... But how come english only has a word for uncle and like urdu has different work for every relationship like "Khalo"... Feeling a little better but still have to get better....

I want something different so that i can get through the next week... Hopefully everything will be fine....

I dont get what the world has with teenage vampires... I mean i always liked vampires movies and used to watch them n all... But couldn't find anyone else who used to like them , other than her who used to like vampires too... But how come all of sudden everyone has a thing for them.... Started with twilight and now there this series "the Vampire diaries"... its just all about teenage-vampirism.... Though ive started watchn it too..

Lets just get on with things......
on Friday, November 20, 2009
Last 3 days of my life at work has been really..totally bad...issues after issues... service outage after service outage... Bad flu and sore throat... I had forgotten everything else in my life... Woke up a while ago... And im also on call for the weekend... Didnt do anything other than office.... Feeling really bad with flu. headache ,throat and fever etc.... Hope these things pass.... Eid is also coming up... Dont know what ill be doing then.... Just bear everything as it comes... Still have the headache and the throat ache.... Dont know what to do... My head is spinning... havent even read up on any blog for the last three days....

One of my best friends will be getting engaged to another friend of mine... For whom i had a thing for a long time... Anyways thats why i was jealous of my best friend... Shit jealousy is just such a BITCH.... I hate it... I hope everything goes well for them and they live happily ever after....

Anyways.. let just see how things go over the weekend and till eid..... Hope all of you are fine and doing well...
on Saturday, November 14, 2009
So everyone is in the shaadi mood... Just came from a mehndi.. Was a typical mehndi and all... last night the music was also on at night... Could hear it in my bedroom late at night... Today was very hectic day... Had to drive all the way to lahore.. yes im in lahore... then had alot of office work.. Did alot of mails.. but if everything goes right you feel good...So i felt good....

Last week was slow and weird... Wasnt feeling good... a bit better right now... And people im not sure about me being bored or not... She knows who i am talking to...

Im really sleepy right now... Eyes are closing.... I want something different.. Maybe its just around corner... and maybe a couple of years.. Dont know... I really dont have anything to write about... im just too tired and weird.. maybe tomorrow.. Adios..
on Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Well like the title says im not a in good mood right now... I wana party but dont have anyone right now to party with.... Im tired of all the calls from office.. I wana do something... Last weekend was not what i expected it to be.. Though staying over at my friends on sunday night and playing mafia all night was fun... Just in one of those moments but i know it will pass.. You atleast get that much from experience... I hate the situation my country is in.. Everything from bomb blast to suicide bombers to no sugar...who doesn't... Lets do something... Yea easier said than done... Each one of us is just happy and busy with our own lives until and unless something affects it... I wana write so much but i can't seem to write somehow... I hate this Aaaaaaaaaa........... WTF....
on Saturday, November 7, 2009
So im in one of those moments when i dont wana do anything... Its not like im not trying.. its just that i cant.. I hate this moment... Today was bad.. didnt do anything .. just lyin arnd.. forced myself to go out with a frnd... Blakhh.. Dont know wat to do.. definitely dont wana sleep.. Was watchn greys but that got stuck in the middle coz i crossed my streaming limit for the day.. Have to wait for 50 mins to continue... i guess im gona wait... I saw that battlefield poster at masooms today.. i hate it... wana burn it down... i felt like that when i saw it.. I cant pretty it up somehow...
Felt sorry for my friend.. he got his cell phones and wallet stolen a couple days back...

This country has really gone to the dogs.. no where is safe.. but still going out...
on Friday, November 6, 2009
So another morning on a weekend... staying in bed for a long while doing nothing... Staying alone makes you crazy.... I wana do something.. Dont know what yet... But i wana do something exciting.... Something thats exciting to me.. Because the usual exciting isn't exciting for me... And i have to figure that out too...

Everybody is so busy... But still i get a time to hang out with my friends which is a blessing.... Job is getting constant... Dont let it take over your life.... My mind is blank.. peaceful in a way... Blogging has just become something to get me going now and then but its really died down... Music has gone... Just a little left here and there... Thinking about what to do over this long weekend.. I hope it will be fun....

I think ive realized that i like talking to new people... LOl.. im going so soft.. What has happened to me... I have become peaceful in some way... Yesterday i heard her name mentioned around me again.... It still feels so strange... :P

But im pretty good i think... My friends are great... Couldn't live without them.. And Mom and dad are awesome , allowing me to stay out late... :P

I just realized you are beautiful.. Even when you dont have any makeup on and you havent slept properly for the last five or six days... And they are huge dark circles under your eyes... And you look malnourished ... But still you look beautiful... I think i like you... All we need now is long and open chat.... Tell each other stuff about themselves... Only thats lacking... I really dont know about you... Maybe you already have a someone that your happy with... Maybe your heart broken like me... Or maybe you just dont care about those things... i really dont know.... Anyways lets see... whats God has got enstored for us....
on Monday, November 2, 2009
Somehow long mornings in bed gets me to start thinking about her.... Well i dont know...

Anyways weekend was long and hectic.... Although my birthday was fun and enjoyed with frnds... Saturday came with me having to turn back the clocks... Was up all nite... came back home at 9 in the morning... Then had to go to gujranwala for a friends wedding... this i simply couldnt miss... That was hectic it self... Came back the same night.... And then slept till now.... Hence the long morning in bed... Oh yea i took the day off.... :P i usually dont take a day off but i just pushed myself into doing so....
on Thursday, October 29, 2009
So the start of my birthday was great... With friends... Ironically it was at the same place as last year but with totally different ppl :P.. LOL how things change... Anyways got home to cut the cake with family which was nice... Lets see how the rest of the day goes... Peace love and harmony :P :P
on Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Everybody has a savior or not?
on Sunday, October 25, 2009

Those of you who know me really well, know that i have thing for chicks that rock.... It has continued with my thing for meesha shafi aka Misha.... The lead vocalist of the band overload.... Although maybe shes not that special but she just has that thing...

Some more rocking chicks are follows...

Hayley Williams from paramore...

Amy Lee formerly of Evanescence

D'arcy Wretzky once a part of the great Smashing Pumpkins...

Sheryl Crow...

Courtney Love the bitch....

Shirley Manson of Garbage

Alanis Morissette

Early Gwen stefani...

There are more i just cant remember them now.....

Anyways... I just wana get this week over with and move on to the next week...Even though my birthday is this week.... This week is going to be a long one... Hope everything goes okay....
Im really digging this song these day... Overload are really good.... Plus This song is so liberating.... You know break whatever chains you have and break away.....

on Saturday, October 24, 2009
So i feel lost once again.....
on Friday, October 23, 2009
Today it has been exactly 43 weeks since my break up...Hahaah... i just find that funny... i mean the fact that i know this...

So I wanted to write something yesterday night but just couldnt get myself to do it.... So since im up early today (technically not out of bed though),i decided to write something now....

Yesterday i had lunch with my old office buddies... One of them has moved and joined another company and 2 are still there... So it was a whole lot of fun... I mean it was like nothing had changed... The same lame jokes... The same points on each other... It really was fun even though it was for a short while but still crazy... I miss those times alot... Lunch time was the best... I love those guys... they got me through some tough times.... And they havent changed at all... This was like 5 months ago and im talking abt it like it has been years.... Anyways my point is life changes... And its suppose to change even if the present is the best or the worst ... life will change.....
on Wednesday, October 21, 2009

This really is a ghostly song... Today was a bad day.. just one of those days... Days when a the slightest comment from anyone makes you feel irritated .... Anyways tomorrow is another day... And she comes online... No im not blocked... hahaha.. watever... I need a party... This fucking DST (Daylight saving Time) has messed up my plan to go to a friends wedding to whom a really wanted to go... Hopefully ill be able to go to the valima.... Lets see...

Praying for no more blasts in the country....
on Monday, October 19, 2009
Man those orange mercy west people were definitely weird.... And this epi of greys was weird....life is *long pause wid hmm....* good.. i think... i just have trouble saying that word... Actually it is not that good.. but i can make it good... I can make it great... I just have to work for it... But I dont have the energy in me to make it good.... Why does it seem that love and relationships are 80-90% of life.... is it really... or is just us thinking about it that much... I wana go out... I wana be free... I am free... Weird.. Mood... Fuck... Something... Making no sense.. like always.. You are pretty... I kinda want you.. I wana spend time with you.. I wana get to know you... I wana get used to your smell... I wana be there for you... I wana buy small gifts for you... i want something....

Our country is really messed up... Schools are getting closed.. people are getting killed.. Civil war is going on.... What the hell is happening.. people are thinking about leaving the country.... People are getting married.. people are getting engaged... Babies are born every day.... People are falling in love... people's hearts are getting broken.. People are sad.. there bored... They got nothing... LOL... battlefield...

Anyways... senseless... I wana go out... i want something... Yea you know what i want....Yea you do....
on Saturday, October 10, 2009
Yea i know weird name for a post.... So morning started with the news of the attacks on GHQ.... And here i was looking forward to a relaxing old Saturday... I woke up a little early (which means 12:30 for me) becoz my khala's from america is staying with us these days.. So didnt wana give her the wrong impression...:P Then the news came of the attack... Which turned worse than initially suspected... Things are really bad.. My father thinks that black water is behind all this as the attacks started to happen again ever since they came(me thinks same)... So as the situation start to enfolds i start to think the only serving army person i know is my ex's father... I mean how did she came in my mind on Saturday in which i just wanted to relax... Damn those terrorists.. Anyways i was just laughing at my situation.. Im so weird... I hope her fathers okay and everyone she knows(because she knows alot of army people)....

Khair that was just the start of the day... At around 4 i was out quietly shopping with mom and others at metro that i get a call of some MMS issues... Im getting really tired of the MMS technology... I used to like it because reasons im not sharing but now i hate it... MMS ruined my eid.. And it has since ruined alot of days and weekend... So rest of the day till 9 was ruined by that issue.. Finally got free and eventually took my khala out shopping for shawls and stuff at my friends shop.... Im really thinking abt going somewhere or just do my masters or something..

So now to the second part of the post... Love is blind... Love makes you think that ugliest person in the city is one of the most beautiful and sexiest person around....(im dont mean anything from this line...) Now i want someone whose really one of the hottest woman in town... I wana make people jealous.. When i go out with her i want ppl to say "that lucky bastard how did he get her... He must be filthy rich or something".... When you dont get the person you love.. You just want someone whose hot....So thats y i said love i blind... I dont know why i said this today.. Im just messed up...Listening to noori's "Jo meray" again... Anyways.. I hope the situation in the GHQ is over soon and no more good people have to die...
on Thursday, October 8, 2009
Life is so weird... You want things... They dont go your way... You want to relax.. You want to do something.... Job is geting hectic in a bad way... this week was bad... Really wana go on a world tour.... Birthdays are coming thick and fast... Celebrated one of my frnds bday this week... Midnight is my sis in laws bday... so need to do something..... And all of it is supposed to be a surprise which i dont know how it will be... anyways....
I wana chill for a while which cant happen as long as im doing my current job.. Aur maybe this was the best thing for me... Waisay come to think of it God is working so for me... Maybe a job in which there was nothing i cud do and think of anything else was the best for me... To get me to stop thinking abt "things".... And i also turned down a company which i thot was a wrong decision is maybe closing up.. So it seems it was according to plan... But you ppl know us idiot humans are never happy... Now i dont want a job in which i cant do and think of anything else :P...

Anways let see... Good Luck everyone whose reading this... May u find peace and happiness....
on Monday, October 5, 2009
I just need to focus at the things that are in front of me.. I just need to relax and do what is in front of me.... Focus man.. focus
on Sunday, October 4, 2009
There are sometimes when i just dont feel good about anything... like now i have that kind of feeling.... I dont know im just weird in that way... Hopefully i will learn to deal with it in the future....
on Saturday, October 3, 2009
I have had enough of everything... I just wana leave the country for a couple of months somehow.....
on Sunday, September 27, 2009
So yesterday was spent at home... Watching the cricket, football and doing nothing else... Then watched greys and supernatural... Felt like the good old days with something missing....

My favorite line from the season opener of greys was "The very worst part is that the minute you think you're past it, it starts all over again. And always, every time, it takes your breath away."....
on Saturday, September 26, 2009

just love the growls of anthony caleb followill...
on Friday, September 25, 2009
I dont have the will power to save myself.... Like that bilal khan's song "bachana" says... "Mein doob rha ..Bachana... Mujhe Bachana..."... i think ive decided that im not gona save myself... ive given up on that.... I just dont wana....
My fucked up sleep and wrong number calling to wake me up..... Aaaaaaaa
on Thursday, September 24, 2009
So she removed me from her facebook friends list... should i feel anything??... its just feels weird and strange... Hmmm... dont know... And i think she has probably blocked me on msn as well as i havent seen her online in a while... Its just feels weird... Well a part of me knows that its for the best.... But still its weird... How come she was so mature than me and knew how to live life....

Okay there some things in this world you just cant explain.. there things you cant explain why you do them... Like ive watched my second kristen stewart movie in 2 days.. First it was "the messengers" than it was "Adventureland".... There something about this girl i just cant put my finger on... Or i just think the girl is hot...
on Monday, September 21, 2009
So i spent all of chand raat and practically all of eid day from 2 to 11 in office....Was in office till 2 on chaand raat... Damn jazzload... Then went to mcdonalds to get some food and hung out with a friend...... Eid was just like that... Damn MMS issue... Anyways.. hopefully ill be able to enjoy the next couple of days....Going to Lahore... Lets see wat happens...
on Saturday, September 19, 2009
So life is steady as it goes.. Though im trying to be content.... life is just in that phase in which your job is mostly control of it.. And you feel you have your bad moments in it and your good moments... But the bad moments seem to be more... Friends are always there for me whenever i need them... i love them for that.... Listening to the song Semi charmed life.... And my life right now is definitely semi charmed right now... I have my opportunities... I just need to get on the right path... I just need to find my inner peace.. I know how to find it actually just i have to be strong.... Ramadan is almost over.. Tommorrow is probably the last roza... actually praying it is otherwise it means another day of work for me... This has been acutally a disappointing month for me as havent passed in a good way as i used to do in the past... But i have other days.... Why is it that i feel to me that i am at a level above frustrated.... As the song says i want something else to get me through this semi charmed kinda life.... I have my people.. I have my goto people... I am blessed in that way... I wana be good to my family...
I believe people should follow their heart.... Brains just messes up all your life for you....
Anyways... Ended the second season of CHUCK today... Had a nice ending... Not one of those overly intense season ending like most of them are.... Tomorrow ill probably wake up late as usual like always do on a holiday around 3 or 4.. Have to be onsite at around 6 since its chaand raat.. And will be in office till 1 probably.. Hopefully it will go smooth.... Hope to meet up with friends after that...
Khair.. Everybody have a nice eid... and pray for each other...
on Saturday, September 12, 2009
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest

So feeling empty right now... Its just a feeling i think maybe everyone whose awake at this time of night gets... Well i don't know maybe just people like me... Spent alot of money today.. Just was in one of those moods.... I felt good at the start of the weekend... I still feel okay... Feeling a little lonely though at this moment but it will be okay.... She came online for a while then she went offline... I just note small things like these... Shes getting married in the first week of next year.. Just a thing i have in my head right now....
Been listening to ali zafar's song Nahi ray nahi.. Its one of my guilty pleasure lately...

Arsenal fucking lost again... Which sucked....

You looked really pretty today... I have no clue about the future..... All i know is i have to go on like this... I have to try my best to make my parents happy.... Have to do good at my job.. Coz thats just a self satisfaction thing... Need to get rid of my vices....

Watchn CHUCK these days... Just trying to relax... Hope God forgives me for not spending Ramadan as i should have spent it... It would be nice if i had someone special right now to talk to.... Anyways... Nice guys finish last....
on Wednesday, September 9, 2009
So there are alot of anonymous people hanging around my blog these days... Not that im complaining or anything but who are these people.. Im just curious... Ive always had this curious personality....

So had this bad day at office.. but the day ended up being okay a couple of hours ago.. Which proves if you trust in God things will eventually turn out okay.. But in some cases it takes a really long time.. So im waiting....
on Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Yes i am fucking EMO... Eeannlly.. So Watever... And you do annoy me sometimes even though im the one after you...
Anyways.. so haven't written in a while about stuff these days... Just havent felt like it... I still have this gut wrenching feeling in my stomach every time i hear her name... I mean wat the fuck man.... However.. Ive been feeling somehow a little better... I'll show her someday.. Ill make her regret all of it... I definitely can...

A couple of my friends have left... I feel a little better now that they have left... We'll keep in touch...

I dont wana work sometimes... Im just lazy sometimes or just dont like some of the work a i maybe doing... But i like some of the work too....

I've been out of touch with music these days... Again listening to saari raat of noori...

Feel good that im back to watching series again... Watched "greek" over the weekend all nite.. Been watchn these days too.. Its nice...

Yes my job has become a big part of my life... I dont know if thats a good thing or a bad thing... Anyways im working through life i guess...
on Friday, September 4, 2009
What would you think if I sang out of tune
Would you stand up and walk out on me
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
And I'll try not to sing out of key

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

What do I do when my love is away
Does it worry you to be alone?
How do I feel by the end of the day
Are you sad because you're on your own

No, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

Do you need anybody
I need somebody to love
Could it be anybody
I want somebody to love

Would you believe in a love at first sight
Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time
What do you see when you turn out the light
I can't tell you but I know it's mine

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

Do you need anybody
I just need someone to love
Could it be anybody
I want somebody to love

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Yes I get by with a little help from my friends
With a little help from my friends
Okay following is the best comment i have ever received on my blog... Thanks alot to the anonymous person..... I was going to work right now in my regular gloomy way but right now i feel much better.. Ready to kick some ass...
Dude I can't help laughing at your writings. And it's not that I am laughing at your miseries but the fact that not long ago I was exactly in the same situation. No one can understand your situation better than me. And what a conincidance I worked in operations too. And believe me my condition was so worse that I had to take medication(efexor n stuff) for arrnd 2 years. Trust me dude even this time will pass. As they say,'waqt o nai reya, tr rehna ae wi nai'.

Dude by God shez not worth it. Let me guess u think u won't get someone like her again. That's total bullshit. There r millions of girls out there which are way better than her. And trust me if u wanna be happy in your life come out of this illusion called love. Being a man you should never ever be emotionally dependant on a girl. The moment u ll lose ur guard she ll leave u.

You are not at all weak or anything and crying won't make you any less of a man. But u should get a grip and make your parents happy. Focus on ur career. You should make her know what she missed. But if u ll be all broken she ll never regret her decision.

I am telling u all this coz I know such(not all, there are pretty nice ones out there too) girls are not worth more than a nice shag. And I know u can come outa it coz if I cud anyone can.

Once again never ever depend emotionally on a girl coz that's where u start to lose. It men on whom women depend and not vice verca.

My appologies for being too emotional.

Been there, done that.

Ps. There's plenty of fish in this sea. Happy fishing ;)
on Tuesday, September 1, 2009
on Friday, August 28, 2009
So life is great if you think of it in the broader picture... Great family.. Nice job in the eyes of world around me.... Great friends... Kinda have everything i need... Thank you God for everything... Some of the anonymous comments on my blog has recently have given me something... So i would like to thank that anonymous person... even though i deleted your comments.. Anyways... How come people are so bad to each other.. And how come girls are so cruel and evil when it comes to fighting among themselves.. i mean us guys are never like that... They just have one big fight and the thing is done and dusted.. What is it in the female mentality that creates such enemosity between themselves.. They so believe in that psychological warfare thing...

Anyways.. Ramadan is going okay i guess given my current situation.. even though not as good as my previous ramdans.... Hopefully it will improve....
on Thursday, August 27, 2009
Finally finished death note today.... Great ending.... Listened to the song creep today after a long time.. Musically today was a good day... Havent said that line in a long time...

When you were here before
Couldnt look you in the eye
Youre just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
And I wish I was special
Youre so fuckin special

But Im a creep, Im a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.

I dont care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When Im not around
Youre so fuckin special
I wish I was special

But Im a creep, Im a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.

Shes running out again,
Shes running out
Shes run run run running out...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
Youre so fuckin special
I wish I was special...

But Im a creep, Im a weirdo,
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here.
I dont belong here.

What a song...
on Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Im trying to feel better... Im trying to think positive.. Ive decided to try harder.. Try once again... Im gona try my best for the people who really love me and can't see me sad and depressed.. And who actually hurt alot becoz of me being this way... Especially my mom and dad... So trying even harder now...
on Sunday, August 23, 2009
Things are fucked up.. my best friend is probably leaving... ur such a baby.. grow up man.. stop whining... seriously get a lyf... wtf... i hate you.. i wana beat u up so much... fuck off...
I guess im to be continuing the thoughts thing...

1. im afraid that i wont be able to pass this ramadan in the way it shud be passed.

2. I still cant believe how everyone is so different from each other.

3. How people enjoy so much in the misery of others.

4. When will i stop having flash back memories of her.

5. I think kasana is right.. im definitely a loser.

6. I hope to be happy once again one day.

7. How come i feel that i have so much love to give but i just cant express it.

8. i really do have great people around me..

9. I dont like my job... i really sucks sometimes..

10. I missing having someone whose always their to help me clear my mind and make feel relaxed..

11. I feel claustrophobic when my mind is overcrowded with thots...

12. You just cant make some of the thoughts out when ur mind is so overcrowded.

13. I really wana finish death note in the next couple of days..

14. I think really take tension about the smallest of things.

15. I cant help it .. its in my nature..

16. I really do care.

17. I wonder anyone whose reading this is feeling at that moment.

18. And yes AD i have cried in my thoughts too... I think i do it alot..

19. I think crying doesnt make you weak....

20. I hope it doesnt...

21. Allah please forgive me for everything and give me the peace of mind...

22. Whatever ..
on Saturday, August 22, 2009
I think 50 first thoughts are a little to much for me but ill just write how much i can...

1. I have been feeling a bit better for the last couple of days.

2. Happy wedding anniversary to my parents. The truly happily ever after ive seen.(like the one in the movies).

3. Office is gona be tough in office, now that my team is a little bit depleted.

4. I really get my act straight for ramadan , havent really being praying that much lately.

5. Please God forgive me for everything.

6. Forgive me for my depressive and pessimistic nature.

7. I really wana make my parents happy and proud of me.

8. Fuck just got to know that i would have to spend time today in office becoz of chand right.. Really not liking this operations job of mine...

9. Now im not in a good mood.

10. Khair anyways this is life have to deal with it.

11. Really living life day by day now.

12. Im thinking im gona cut this short.

13. Shit man i really wanted to spend sometime with my parents today since its their wedding anniversary.

Thats it sorry bitter just not in the mood for writing anymore.. Thanks for the tag.. :)
on Wednesday, August 19, 2009
So listening to "until the day i die" by "story of the year" which surprisingly was the first ever song she gave me... How ironic... isn't it.. Anyways.. i think i have a disease.. Like the serious kind.. But i don't know what to do... Yesterday was a little better.. Last night was hectic.. Came home around 9 in the morning... Positive point didn't have to go to office today.. So chilled...
I ve decided to some how get back into movies... Watched an indian movie the other day "DEv D"... Liked it was nice... It was the modern day version of Devdas....
My Favorite RJ on fm 89 is leaving the rush hour show which is sad... No more listening to good music on the radio....
Im generally a Sad person... And everybody is getting sick and tired of it... I mean those who have started to know me quite recently.... But my true friends are always there.. And they know whats going on.... And i thank God for that...
I know getting NA UMEED is kufr which makes me feel even more bad... Im just a messed up good for nothing pathetic example of a perverted human being....
Anyways listen to the song....
on Monday, August 17, 2009
So im listening to the Flames by vast and feeling the most horrible of feelings... Finding it hard to survive... Feel like crying... I think i have passed the point of picking my self up... I have passed the point of boasting myself up ...I have passed the point of finding that inner feeling... Nobody can help me now.. Not even me... All my loved ones have tried so hard... I love them all so much... Thank you God for giving me them... All i have left is to count the remaining seconds of my life tick by... I know im probably gona go to hell for thinking like this but...AAaaaa... 1 2 3 4.....
And the counting starts.....

"Not one day goes by that I don't know that I'm dying"
A broken guitar is hidden,
somewhere in the dark corners of my heart,
and whenever a chord is struck,
even if unknowingly,
it still plays a sad note.
Leaves an empty feeling,
sort of being hollow inside,
even if it lasts for seconds few.
Stitches no matter how old,
still leave a mark,
though completely faded,
the sense of that pain remains,
when brushed lightly with a soft touch.
I want peace that lasts forever,
and a healing that makes me feel free,
and doesnt remind me of my scars that were.
I want 'me' like how I was,
when I was not how I am.'

This is written by Artist formerly known as PINK ORCHID...Copied of her last post..:P

i hope she doesn't mind...
on Sunday, August 16, 2009
So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange
A walk on part in the war,
For a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.
on Friday, August 14, 2009
A friend of mine once told me that he liked this actress on tv but he didnt know why he liked her.. Than he realized that his face resembled that of his ex... and that once a person loses someone/something he tries to find it in other people and other things... At that time i didnt give much weightage to him but then for the last couple of days i realized that it was happening to me too.. I was staring at girls whose faces resembled that of hers.. I mean this happens.. Atleast it did a little for me.. Anyways.. Some random stuff...
Your gentle voice I hear
Your words echo inside me
You said "You long for me, that you love me"
And I want to see you too, feels just like I'm falling
Is there nothing I can do, wonder if you hear my calling

I'm here and waiting for you
Where are you, I can't find you
I'm here and waiting for you
I'll wait forever for you

Does she have someone she loves more than me
I thought I could love you better, we were always together
If we took some time apart you would finally know my heart

I'm here and waiting for you
Where are you, I can't find you
I'm here and waiting for you
I'll wait forever for you

I fell in Love with you and now you're gone
There's nothing left within my lonely room without you

I'm here and waiting for you
Where are you, I can't find you
I'm here and waiting for you
I'll wait forever for you
on Thursday, August 13, 2009
So my brother left today... actually just an hour or so ago... Feeling sad about it... Had to stay late in office today so didnt get much time to spend with him on his last day here... Gona miss him again.. It just feels good having him around.... Anyways life is just like that... Hopefully the newest member of our small family can fill his place.... Love ya bro... take care.. Have fun...
on Wednesday, August 12, 2009
close your eyes
let me touch you now
let me give you something that is real
close the door
leave your fears behind
let me give you what you're giving me
you are the only thing
that makes me want to live at all
when i am with you
there's no reason to pretend
that when i am with you i feel flames again
just put me inside you
i would never ever leave
just put me inside you
i would never ever leave
on Monday, August 10, 2009
Im having my head pain as usual.... Everybody has it own problems... Im feeling in the words of a friend of mine that "life sucks".... How do i make someone who is feeling that way feel better.. Ppl are having their results come out.... And trust me these things dont matter in the long run... I am out... Havent been in my "THAT" meaning talkative wala mood for a long time.. Has been ages since ive been in that mood... What? Why? How?
on Saturday, August 8, 2009
Feeling a bit better.... Using my mobile for writing my post.. Its quite cool.. Nokia 5800.. Good for listening to music.. Though dont have the time for fully using it.. I miss meeting up with frnds almost each day.. My job has taken up all the time in my life.. Guess just wud have to deal wid it.. Lets see how i deal wid it... Loved AD's post today.. I wish i had sumone for that kind of stuff..:p..
on Friday, August 7, 2009
Just trying to survive..
on Wednesday, August 5, 2009
So it still fucking hurts even after me staying busy most of the time... I still find the time to think about my stuff... Today i saw the movie "Love aaj kal".. I didnt know y i went wid my family.. Even when i knew love stories reallly mess me up... I gues i was testing my self... so guess wat testing failed... They still mess me up... The whole time i was thinking the last time i watched an indian movie in the cinema was with her... Aaaaaaaaaa.... And i havent told anyone this but i still have the movie tickets from my first date with her.. I dont know why but i am hating my life right now... Please God Forgive me for this..
on Sunday, August 2, 2009
So is there something in this world that is considered as so goood that it will fall apart... I think there is but im not sure about.. There has to be something like that.... If there is how are we suppose to know what are the things which are the right amount of good..... Hmm...
I like this somehow....

Sari Raat Jaga Ray Jaga Ray...
Lagay Dil Hara Ray Hara Ray...
Kho Diyay Wo Lamhay Saray Ray...
Teray Bin Kaun Mein Yaara Ray...
Meri Jaan Tu Nay Jana Menay Jana...
Meri Jaan Teri Haan Meri Haan...
Dar Aya Daur Aya...
Dar Aya Daur Aya Na...

Rat Jaagi Yaadein Meray Dil Mein
Kho Diya Na Paya Jo Bhi Dil Nay...

Teray Liyay Hara Yara Ray...
Teray Liyay Saray Ghum Hain Sahay...
Teray Liyay...

Jab Teri Aankhein So Jayein...
Aur Teri Yadein Kho Jayien...
Teray Tan Mein Teray Man Mein...
Teray Ghar Ko Aag Lag Jayay...
Aur Tujhay Jag Na Ayay...

Sari Raat Jaga Ray Jaga Ray...
Dobay Man Mera Jo Hara Ray Hara Ray...
Kho Diyay Wo Lamhay Saray Ray...
Aaj Hein Dhoondtay Yaara Ray...

Rat Jaagi Aahein Meray Dil Mein...
Kho Diya Na Paya Jo Bhi Dil Nay...

Teray Liyay Hara Yara Ray...
Teray Liyay Saray Ghum Hain Sahay...
Teray Liyay...

Jab Teri Aankhein So Jayein...
Aur Teri Yadein Kho Jayien...
Teray Tan Mein Teray Man Mein...
Teray Ghar Ko Aag Lag Jayay...
Aur Tujhay Jag Na Ayay...

Jab Teri Aankhein So Jayein...
Aur Teri Yadein Kho Jayien...
Teray Tan Mein Teray Man Mein...
Teray Ghar Ko Aag Lag Jayay...
Aur Tujhay Jag Na Ayay...

on Saturday, August 1, 2009
My world is dark and gloomy... It consists of very thick air which makes it very hard to breath for anyone whose living in it... It consists of very huge forests with trees that have no leaves.... Theres a never ending river that passes in between the forrest with cold water running in it all the time... The sound of which seems pleasent at first but after a while it sounds creepy as its a never ending sound and you cant escape it.... Clouds are always their...There is no sun... However at night time there always a full moon... Wolves can always be heard at night time... Once in a while the color of the river water changes to red or purple... The dirt on the ground predomintes the weeds and grass... You can see a burn down cottage always at a distance...however the closer you go to it the further it seems.... i live in this world all alone... Me leaving this world of mine is not in my control... Sometimes i blink and i find myself no more in this world and sometimes in a blink of an eye im back in this world again... Its a mystery that someone need to solve....
on Thursday, July 30, 2009
So i have nothing to write... i have been down a little lately... Been tired... been fed up with my job... Anyways today i got great message from someone which i thot i shud share with you... "Seriously you need to enjoy yar.. eternal peace can be just obtained by 1z own will... I try my best to be happy i believe in Allah wat ever he gives me is 4 my betterment.. i know if he gives me pain he gives to the extent i can handle.. i m happy for he makes me stronger by giving pain.. more happier coz dat pain isnt lasting and i dont let it last either.. you have to fight the negativity ... u have to find the inner light..u have to find the key which is within u dat will make u happy... "
on Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Happy Birthday
Mann mera chahay jo woh bolay meree raah mein
Mann mera sochay aaj dolay meree shaam mein

Lagay bol meray mann mein
Koi bol de!
Haal-e-dil jo meray tann mein
Koi rok de!

Jo meray raahi, woh meray Naahi
Meray bol meree raah main
Jo tann mein dekhay, kyoon mann mein sochay?
Meray bol meree raah main
Mann dolay meree shaam mein

Mann mera chahay jo woh bolay meree raah mein
Mann mera dolay aaj bolay meree shaam mein
Lagay bol meray mann mein…

Just been listening to this song.... it is just that kind of song... it hasnt been that long that ive admitted that i like Noori... i think it was the right decision... Its been really a bad day.... Last night i was up all night in office... There was this activity.... Anyways.. Bad day... Seems as if im just floating.... I just wana sleep in the arms of someone.. I wana breathe with the breath of someone... I wana talk with someone... I wana sleep for a really really long time.... I dont wana go to office tomorrow.. I dont like it there.. I just have that weird feeling inside me.... Where did my happy go lucky life go.... Just dont wana read anything... Just dont wana write anything... Today got some work to do which i dont wana do.. have to do it till the end of next week.... Hope things goess goood... Anyways this is the song....

on Sunday, July 26, 2009
Somethings i think i have never said to no one... Oh yea i told this to someone yesterday so i decided to write it on my blog too... Hate is a really strong word... I never use it... But all i wana say is that a part of me is disappointed in her.. Even though i keep on telling myself that she couldn't do anything else.. A fucking part of me feels that she could have done more... I would have done anything.... I was ready to do to me the greatest wrong in this world that is to go against my parents.. But she didnt do the same thing... why?... i guess its better not to answer that question... Yes i still live.. and im okay.. Like everyone said i would be.. and i thot myself the same thing... But a part of me has truly died... It definitely does happen... That part i can never get back.... People will never see that part of me... All they will see is the parts of me that are living.... I just go with the flow.... Like i always used to... People will forget... But i will never.... But i still hope i do...

Anyways.. i keep on living my life.. Last night was fun.. After a really long time i had a all nighter with my friends... It was BBQ, music, lots of sheesha(My first ever self made sheesha and it was a great one..)... stupidities..as in shugal... singing.. and a sunrise with a half sun... oh yea they were alot of falling stars in the sky tooo... It was fun...
Today was nice also ... got to spent some time with my bro and bhabi...

Where is the music... it just comes in small batches these days... Still listening to akira Yamaoka.. Tomorrow is again my not so good office...
on Saturday, July 25, 2009
All right, let's do this
One, two, three

I want a cup that overflows with love
Although it's not enough to fill my heart
I want a barrel full of love
Although I know it's not enough to fill my heart
I want a river full of love
But then I know the holes will still remain
I need an ocean full of love
Although I know the holes will still remain

And this Swiss-cheese heart knows
Only kindness can fill its holes
And love can dry my tears
As pain disappears

I need a miracle and not someone's charity
One drop of love from him
And my heart's in ecstasy
The high that is sending me
Is most likely ending me
I need a miracle and not someone's charity

Fill up my heart with love
Oh, you'd be amazed at how little I need from him
to feel complete here and now
Stirring within me
are these feelings I can't ignore
I need a miracle and that's what I'm hoping for

I need a miracle and not someone's charity
One drop of love from him
And my heart's in ecstasy
The high that is sending me
Is most likely ending me
I need a miracle and not someone's charity now
Oh, baby

Anybody's love but his will never fill this space within me
Now doctor, give me what I need to free my heart from misery

So insignificant, sleeping dormant deep inside of me,
Are you hiding away, lost, under the sewers,
Maybe flying high, in the clouds?
Perhaps you're happy without me...
So many seeds have been sown in the field,
And who could sprout up so blessedly,
If I had died I would have never felt sad at all,
You will not hear me say 'I'm sorry'
Where is the light, wonder if it's weeping somewhere?

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes.
It was always you that I despised.
I don't feel enough for you to cry, [oh no]
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes,

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes.
It was always you that I despised.
I don't feel enough for you to cry, [oh no]
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes,

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes.
It was always you that I despised.
I don't feel enough for you to cry, [oh no]
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes,

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes.
It was always you that I despised.
I don't feel enough for you to cry, [oh no]
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes,

After a long time i liked a song like i used to like songs.... Thanks to kasana...

Room of Angels:
on Friday, July 24, 2009
How come im surrounded by beautiful people.... i want one for myself....
on Thursday, July 23, 2009
So just came home from office... things are really fucked up there... Anyways.. i wana go to a secluded island... find a beautiful cute girl... and just talk to her for hours... Hahaha.. i really have gone loco.. :P Anyways.. ADIOS...
on Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Why do the good memories haunt me so much??
on Tuesday, July 21, 2009
So im back to my blog after sometime... Was busy with my brothers wedding.. It was fun and great... Hoping the best for my brother and bhabi.. May they live happily ever after... :) However the thing of me wanting to change my overall general mood after the whole event doesnt seem to have worked out so far... Yesterday was a pretty bad day... Didnt feel like doing anything.... It just passed somehow... Today was a little bit better... MAn i still feel weird... Anyways.. having a new person at home feels good.. even though i havent been around much due to my evening shifts at work.... i have to catch up with the other blogs i read...
I wana hear some good music... i seemed to have lost my mobile's handsfree...which is a big hindrance... I seem to not really like my job... even though it has only been a month or so but still i dont feel like it... hopefully i wud be able to like it in a while or so... im just feeling tired...maybe it was the shaadi or maybe its my job.. dont know... Still feel weird...
on Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Dear God,

I realized today that i really havent talked to you in quite a while... We humans are so selfish.. Even when we are going through some tough times we really dont give you any of our time... Atleast when things are going bad for us we should talk to you so you can make things better not that you wont make it better anyway... Khair.. First of all i would like to thank you about the recent job that i was given... I have been trying to get this job for a long time like over a year now.. And you finally gave to me.... Thanx a million for it... But you know us human always complain... Like now i think i have gotten myself into something really tough as compared to my easy going job of before.. but please forgive me for this as i dont know better.. This job was a part of my plan... although the plan didn't work out but deep down inside i truly know that it was for my best everything you did.. So please don't mind if i sometime show that i dont like that decision of yours... i dont know any better....I would like to thank you for bringing my brother back to me for a while... Now i just pray to you that you make everything on his wedding go well and may his wedding be the best.. And may he and my sister in law live happily ever after like in the movies.... God.. i would like to ask you to make my mom and dad happy always... becoz i think i dont do enuff to make them happy instead becoz of me they get worried... So please lessen their load... Free them off all the difficulties and give me the power to make them happy.. meanwhile you keep them happy and smiling... God i think im really weird... I know you made me that way but i think i should act a little normal now.. You should think about it and let me know if you think the same... God i still think about her everyday.. I dont know why... yes it has lessened alot now from before..And thank you alot for that... But i think there isnt a day when i havent thot abt her atleast once... God when wil this end... I know i have the power and ull be thinking right now the same thing that you have given me the power and its in me but i dont know y i still feel helpless...God give me peace of mind and body... Peace is all i need.... Please God give me the ability to make my brothers wedding the best and make everyone happy... God please make things go great for everyone especially for my brother and sister in law... help me in living my life in the best of ways and in being good to everyone... Give me strength and ability to bring happiness in the lives of the people around me and in the lives of the people i come in contact with and also in my own life... God help me in being happy for myself... In end i would to like thank you for everything.. Thanks a lot for giving the gift of life to a unworthy person like me... Hopefully i can repay you atleast 1% in return... Thanx again... Hopefully i will keep in touch this time...(yea thats what u said the last time..) .. Lastly i would like to thank you for all the friends you have given me... Please make there live comfortable and bring happiness and joy in their lives too....

Best Regards
on Tuesday, July 14, 2009
I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest who'd have known
I traced the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine, I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed, to go on
You'll be sorry when I'm gone

I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

I never thought I'd die alone
Another six months I'll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You'll never set foot in my room again
You'll close it off, board it up
Remember the time that I spilled the cup
Of apple juice in the hall
Please tell mom this is not her fault

I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

I never conquered, rarely came
Tomorrow holds such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I can't wait to get outside
The world is wide, the time goes by
The tour is over, I'd survived
I can't wait till I get home
To pass the time in my room alone


on Sunday, July 12, 2009
So havent had this much fun in a long time..... :) Feeling good at the moment.... Just had a all boys dholki in honour of my brothers shaadi.. It was just me and my friends.... Food, heat, loadshedding , surprisingly limited amount of good bhangra songs, and lot of freestyle dancing... :P It was one hell of a party... Everyone was just jumping up and down.. flapping their arms legs feet everywhere.... They were also some slight gaps of some sort of coordinated dancing too... It was a typical boys party..... Swapped old stories when the light went... It was mostly one guy with all the stories... Then just went crazy when the light came.. :P Anyways it was alot of fun.... And i wanted and needed it to be all that... I needed something kick start my mood for my brother's wedding.. otherwise i wud have ruined it for everyone.... My brothers coming too in a couple of hours which is also great.. Had to attend to some office work too before the party... that went okay too.. So all around it was good day... Still on a high from all the dancing.. I ran out of water at my house too in the end... LOL.. It was just dancing and then a cigi and water break... :P Hope the next week goes great... And everything goes okay...
on Saturday, July 11, 2009
So the other day someone told me that their immune to all kinds of feeling... I mean this person has actual immunity to feel anything... How cool is that.. I was so jealous of that person... Im sick and tired of the feelings i have... Im tired of all the crap my feelings pull on me... They make me so fucked up.... Im tired of feeling everything and im tired of feeling the nothingness... I wish i had that immunity.. Please somebody show me how do i get that immunity... How can i buy it... tell me please.. Right now ill give anything for it....

So today i have a song of the day after a long time.. And funny enuff its by lifehouse... Those of u who have followed my blog from the start..(yea like there is anyone out there who has done that... :P) ...knows that i have had ths up and down thing with lifehouse... But i had made my peace with them.... Today its their song "breathing" which is the song of the day.. Was listening to it today... This is a nice little song....

I'm finding my way back to sanity, again
Though I don't really know what
I am gonna do when I get there
Take a breath and hold on tight
Spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back in the arms of grace

I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

I am looking past the shadows
Of my mind into the truth and
I'm trying to identify
The voices in my head
God, which one's you?
Let me feel one more time
What it feels like to feel
And break these calluses off me
One more time

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside your door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

I don't want a thing from you
Bet you're tired of me waiting
For the scraps to fall
Off your table to the ground
I just want o be here now

on Friday, July 10, 2009
found this on this blog

* if I lost you, I was the one who loved you most, but between us you lost more, for someday, Allah may open up my heart to love someone the way I love you, but you may never be loved again by anyone else, the way I did *
So today was okay i guess.... Office was usual fucked up thing... After office hung out with a very good friend of mine.. I seem to be mostly feel good with friends.... Especially ths one... He has same issues as mine... He told me something today that made me think that they are really no set of rules to this life... I really need to chill yar... I should be fucking happy or excited or anythin..its my brother's wedding next week... This sunday throwing a party for my friends... trying to kick off something in me.... I really feel lost in my life these days.... I feel like somebody created a worm hole in my life's timeline which keeps sucking me in.... Below are the lyrics to one of the songs from my childhood... I first heard it one of those music shows that used to some on NTN or STN... its "Come undone" by duran duran... i was listening to this song today... and it felt good...

Mine, immaculate dream, made breath and skin, Ive been waiting for you,
Signed, with a home tattoo, happy birthday to you was created for you.

(cant ever keep from falling apart.. at the seams)
(cant I believe youre taking my heart.. to pieces)

Ahh, itll take a little time, might take a little crime to come undone
Now well try to stay blind, to the hope and fear outside,
Hey child, stay wilder than the wind
And blow me in to cry.

Who do you need?
Who do you love?
When you come undone.

Words, playing me deja vu, like a radio tune I swear Ive heard before,
Chill, is it something real, or the magic Im feeding off your fingers

(cant ever keep from falling apart.. at the seams)
(can I believe youre taking my heart.. to pieces)

Lost, in a snow filled sky, well make it alright, to come undone,
Now well try to stay blind, to the hope and fear outside,
Hey child, stay wilder than the wind -
And blow me in to cry.

on Thursday, July 9, 2009
So today was another bad day... It went really bad till 7:30... then my mom talked to me and then it went okay....Finally watched the tour de france... Fridays are mostly not okay so lets see how its gona be....
on Wednesday, July 8, 2009
So it still hurts.... now i dont even know what hurts me... But something hurts.... Today was a long and hard day... Had a office dinner... Im tired as hell... It was again one of those days... Yes it hurts... So fucking dont know what fucking hurts.... Just wana get out of this fucked up thing.... Just wana get out of it... My head is really heavy.... Just stop it... Feeling sleepy too... Maybe tomorrow will be a better day....
on Tuesday, July 7, 2009
So i was listening to the breakfast show on the radio on my way to the office today... And the question of the day was how to get over your "EX"... Yea it was a normal thing.. This question is mostly popular with radio shows but the thing that bothers me is that it was understood that this question was in default for females who can't get over their EXs... I mean is it just me or am i the only sissy good for nothing guy out there who can't get over his EX... I mean how is it expected that guys are the ones who easily get over stuff... Okay maybe thats the norm... But is their no place out there in this world for us sensitive(LOL...:P) guys..Okay maybe not sensitive ..okay lets say EMO guys... Ha huh... That truly is the case.... Anyways... Thats the way God made us.. okay maybe just me....

Times have have really changed man.... The tour de france has now been on for like 4 stages already and i didnt know that it was on.. It was my brother who msged me so i found out it was on... There was a time when i used to give up everything but not miss a stage of the tour de france... It was really fun... Used to just lie in front of the TV and not move till that stage of the race end.... Maan times have changed...

The song of the day after a long while is Second chance by Shine down.... I thought i should have one today....

Second Chance:
on Monday, July 6, 2009
Everyone has their issues...wat are urs?
So my last post was just some frustration i was taking out at myself and it was directed at me... Just me.... Today was a good day.. I still feel weird saying my day is good... I dont know why... maybe becoz im just the biggest pacifist ull ever know... So on my way back from office today i was listening to the song love in a elevator by aerosmith.. Now that is a fantasy.. :P you know the one in which u fall in love with ur special someone in a elevator ride... :P

The song has some funny lyrics...

Workin like a dog for the boss man
Workin for the company
Im bettin on the dice Im tossin
Im gonna have a fantasy

But where am I gonna look
They tell me that love is blind
I really need a girl like an open book
To read between the lines

Love in an elevator
Livin it up whn Im goin down
Love in an elevator
Lovin it up till I hit the ground

Jackies in the elevator
Lingerie second floor
She said can I see you later
And love you just a little more

I kinda hope we get stuck
Nobody gets out alive
She said Ill show you how to fax
In the mailroom, honey
And have you home by five

In the air, in the air, honey one more time
Now it aint fair
Love in an elevator
Lovin it up when Im goin down

Love in an elevator
Goin down

Gonna be a penthouse pauper
Gonna be a millionare
Im gonna be a real fast talker
And have me a love affair

Gotta get my timin right
Its a test that I gotta pass
Ill chase you all the way to stairway, honey
Kiss your sassafrass

After work i went out with friends.. Today we went in search of some good and cheap garlic mayo fries.... Which we found... They day was hectic and busy... thats y i probably declared it a good day.. :P Hmm.. still waiting for something....
on Sunday, July 5, 2009
Fuck off...
Oh i was so in love with this song a while back......

Where do you go with your broken heart in tow
What do you do with the left over you
And how do you know, when to let go
Where does the good go, where does the good go
Look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive
Look me in the heart and tell me you won't go
Look me in the eye and promise no love's like our love
Look me in the heart and un break broken, it won't happen
It's love that breaks the seal of always thinking you would be
Real, happy and healthy, strong and calm, where does the good go
Where does the good go
Where do you go when you're in love and the world knows
How do you live so happily while I am sad and broken down
What do you say it's up for grabs now that you're on your way down
Where does the good go, where does the good go

So where does the good go by Tegan And Sara


on Saturday, July 4, 2009
Im obsessed with the thing that you all probably know by now... Yea im obsessed by it too...And it is a thing not a person.... My obsession are very less to give up.... I haven't given up a thing by now.. i think... or atleast a meaningful thing.... Yea it is my weakness and my strength... It what makes me ME... Finally got my death note.. Gona watch it now... Btw FU....
Im loosing followers...I think im geting really boring... I blab alot.... Khair... Its saturday.. and im relaxing.. Woke up after 1.. My friends from my old office came..So hung out with them... It was really fun.... I really dont know what to write... I have lost it....
on Friday, July 3, 2009
I was sad then i was happy... Then i was fine and then i was sad... I was good and then i was depressed... I was okay and then i was not worth it....
Im surprisingly dealing...
Things will be better...
Yea right...
And people say why i degrade myself in front of some...

PS: ill try to post something worthy from now on...
on Thursday, July 2, 2009
Ignore Me please... Life please ignore me... I just want the world to ignore me... Yea the hell you do... You want the life around you... You want the world to be with you... TO be a part of you.... Just do it.... Smoking is injurious to health... :P :P.... Oh what the fuck am i saying.. Wish i could change like KAS to something lubby dubby.... So i can write something meaningful and worthy... Something people can feel good about after reading.... OH i so crave for dark humor... I want someone to talk to about nothingness....
on Wednesday, July 1, 2009
I love my life.. I think... Im very perverted too... I almost like all the pretty girls i see... :P
on Tuesday, June 30, 2009
I HATE...... ME........
So i removed my blog feed to facebook.. I figured that i was geting too pathetic on my blog posts and revealing my patheticness to all the people around me was not such a good idea.... Come man be a man... LOL.. yea i always had a trouble doing that... :P So i named the post smoothy tuesday because the day went smooth.... Why dont all the days go smooth... I dont ask much i just want the days to go smooth.... Ha huh... Khair... My special evening shifts have started at office that means timings are from 12 to 9.. which means im able to sleep good but dont have much time to do anythin when i get back from office.... Im out of stuff to watch... The death note DVD i had is not working on my PC Dvd drive... And its too hot outside to go and watch it on the dvd player in the tv lounge... So im just stuck with browsing the net and checking out blogs... I have no fast internet with me these days so can't download much stuff either... Im out of ideas about what to do..... Im trying to get my self worked up before my brothers wedding.. Trying to get rid of my gloomy nature.... Hopefully ill be up for it in time.... I just read something really good on AD's blog...which i like to share here too if she doesn't mind... :P
"A happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries."
I think this a perfect quote of the day......I can't get enuff of AIK ALIF.... Awesome song....
on Monday, June 29, 2009
Its all so bad... Im just so unthankful.... Its all so depressing.... Where is all the hope gone.... Still wana cry.... The smallest of fucking things triggers something.... I hate it.. Hate this fucked up stuff.... Whyy... what happened... What didnt happen....
He was a person who never knew himself.... He never knew what to do.... He had something to do but that didnt happen for him... His broken heart is full of love... Just wants someone to give it all to... He just wants something to cling to... Hes like a stray dog looking for someone to throw him a dried out bone.... This dog has lost his patience... Hes just fed up with it all.....
on Sunday, June 28, 2009
I can't see anyone cry... Seriously i can't see anyone cry.. It breaks my heart... I so wana know why that person is crying.. Whats the reason behind this intense emotions that it saddens this person to shedding tears from their eyes.... Stop crying... Stop Crying.. Stop Crying... Cry your heart out but stop then.. Stop it... Smile... Wipe off your tears and smile.... Stop crying and smile your heart out... What ever the reason stop crying... What ever the fucking reason..... What ever the reason just forget about it.....Just Can't see and can't know that anyone is crying....
This was one of those songs from aerosmith which i liked alot... Now its like one of the stories of my life... :P The song has killer lyrics and steven tylers voice is out of this world...

Crying - Aeromith

Get a Grip
There was a time
When I was so broken hearted
Love wasn't much of a friend of mine
The tables have turned, yeah
'Cause me and them ways have parted
That kind of love was the killin' kind
Listen, all I want is someone I can't resist
I know all I need to know by the way that I got kissed
I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Love it sweet misery
I was cryin' just to get you
Now I'm dyin' 'cause I let you
Do what you do down on me
Now there's not even breathin' room
Between pleasure and pain
Yeah you cry when we're makin' love
Must be one and the same
It's down on me
Yeah I got to tell you one thing
It's been on my mind
Girl, I gotta say
We're partners in crime
You got that certain something
What you give to me
Takes my breath away
Now the word out on the street
Is the devil's in your kiss
If our love goes up in flames
It's a fire I can't resist
I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Your love is sweet misery
I was cryin' just to get you
Now I'm dyin' 'cause I let you
Do what you do to me
'Cause what you got inside
Ain't where your love should stay
Yeah, our love, sweet love, ain't love
'Til you give your heart away
I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Your love is sweet misery
I was cryin' just to get you
Now I'm dyin' just to let you
Do what you do what you do down to me, baby, baby, baby
I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Your love is sweet misery
I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm dyin' 'cause I let you
Do what you do down to, down to, down to, down to
I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Your love is sweet
I was cryin' when I met you