I always kinda feel depressed during Ramadan... As it makes me feel guilty.... But the sad thing is i never seem to do anything about it...
So my mind is fucked up right now... Not for the above mentioned reason... But due to some issues which might be considered normal for some any other person but not for a freak like me... I am what you may call a perfectionist or borderline OCD patient at work and life too.. Work is mentioned separately as it's like more than 80% of my life ... I need to do something in specific way.. When i do something the results need to go in a specific way... If i'm faced with a problem i have to fix it as soon as possible otherwise it literally fucks up my life... I am unable to do anything else till that problem is solved... I find it really hard to clear my head... This is one of the basic problems that i face... Right now im blogging from work because i need to clear my head and i don't have anyone right now to talk with...
I am listening to Everything by Lifehouse... which has made me feel that i really need someone right now... I need someone who i can call you are my everything....
Will you please you make up your mind by now... I need you to decide soon... I want you to be the one... I am hoping that you are the one... But i think i have come to the point that i need you to decide a bit quickly.... What the hell i don't even know if your still thinking about it or not.... Anyways i need an answer soon so i can settle for someone else.... And yes i use the word settling because the problem is i know that deep down inside she wasn't my first choice... I may always feel guilty for it...
My head hurts badly now....
on Monday, July 25, 2011
So haven't felt this way for a pretty long time now... I'm feeling depressed.. I don't know why and how.. But I am... Listening to Flames by VAST... I don't know what to do... I tried sleeping.... I couldn't ... So just started blogging.... Maybe just the negativity of the whole world or something is getting to me... I wanna feel accomplishment... i wana feel loved by someone other than my Mom and Dad... Even though there love supersedes anything in this world.. But i'm just stupid in that way... I'm just being weird and crazy like the real me... No matter how much i try to pretend or try to change i cannot change the real me... This is the real me.. This is who i am.. The depressed lonely old idiot who just can't seem to realize the good things in life... Just... Ughhhhh..... Whatever.... There is no use anymore...
Ps: I'll be fine tomorrow...
Ps: I'll be fine tomorrow...
on Monday, July 18, 2011
So what happened to the people who started blogging just because of the reason that someone broke their heart.... Are you people still there.... Please raise your voices... We need to stick together... We cannot let these people with their political blogs take over the blogging community... We need to tell the world that people like us are here to stay... Please shout and scream if your one of us...
on Saturday, July 9, 2011
Ok i know i haven't been around the blog but i just wanted to get somethings out.... So when someone like me has gotten up to someone and expressed his or her feelings its a pretty hard thing .. Its like once in a life time thing... So its sad to say that this person might not be able to do the same thing ever again in his or her life... Which means he or she would never find someone he might like or even love ever again coz they might just not have the strength to do it again... So only thing possible would be for that person which this person (like me) likes would come up to this person themselves and say what this person wants to say to them... (I hope someone gets me)... But thats like in one in a million chance to happen... So have no clue what will happen.... Anyways... Yes i like you... I don't wana say i love you cause i only want to say that when theres not a single doubt in my mind.... And yes probably i'm not going to say this to you cause probably i don't really have the strength anymore.. I kinda am trying to build up the strength but your really not helping.... But that's not your fault either cause you have to be sure about what you wana do and so on... Plus you deserve someone who will first court you than go through all the practices that first happen before he deserves your time etc etc... Anyways... I don't know whats going to happen... But right now i just want to say that i'm gona try my best to keep you happy.... Bye for now
on Friday, July 8, 2011
There are things
I have done
There's a place
I have gone
There's a beast
And I let it run
Now it's running . . .
My way
There are things
I regret
To can't forgive
You can't forget
There's a gift
That you sent
You sent it . . .
My way
(Chorus)
So take this night
Wrap it around me like a sheet
I know I'm not forgiven
But I need a place to sleep
So take this night
And lay me down on the street
I know I'm not forgiven
But I hope that I'll be given . . .
Some peace
There's a game
That I play
There are rules
I had to break
There's mistakes
That I made
But I made them . . .
My way
(chorus)
So take this night
Wrap it around me like a sheet
I know I'm not forgiven
But I need a place to sleep
So take this night
And lay me down on the street
I know I'm not forgiven
But I hope that I'll be given . . .
Some peace . . .
Some peace . . .
Some peace
I have done
There's a place
I have gone
There's a beast
And I let it run
Now it's running . . .
My way
There are things
I regret
To can't forgive
You can't forget
There's a gift
That you sent
You sent it . . .
My way
(Chorus)
So take this night
Wrap it around me like a sheet
I know I'm not forgiven
But I need a place to sleep
So take this night
And lay me down on the street
I know I'm not forgiven
But I hope that I'll be given . . .
Some peace
There's a game
That I play
There are rules
I had to break
There's mistakes
That I made
But I made them . . .
My way
(chorus)
So take this night
Wrap it around me like a sheet
I know I'm not forgiven
But I need a place to sleep
So take this night
And lay me down on the street
I know I'm not forgiven
But I hope that I'll be given . . .
Some peace . . .
Some peace . . .
Some peace
on Tuesday, May 17, 2011
So guess what i resigned from my job... :) Yayyy!!... Got a new one will join on Thursday... Kinda excited i think... Lets see kya hota hai....
Last week was pretty hectic... A friend who lives in Sweden these days was in town so had one of those all party week.. Plus since i quit the old job so my week was free... The week kinda started on a Saturday as me and some of my friends picked him from the airport around 4 Am at night... We had been out roaming the streets before that since we thought it was better than staying and waiting for him at home.. After picking him up we searched for a nice place for breakfast... Ended up at karachi company... After alot of gup shup over breakfast went home around 6.. Slept till 2 PM... Made a plan to go to Lahore... Left home at 4 PM in our first car (later you will understand why its called the first car).... Near the motorway toll plaza saw the car heat up indicator... Turned towards home from the toll plaza.. The car really got heat up and after using a lot water bottles and stopping by the side of the road reached home...
Changed cars went on our way again by 5 PM... This time managed to cross the toll plaza.. Even the Chakri service area where we stocked up for the journey ahead.... after like 10 minutes from chakri this car also got heat up... Stopped the car again poured some water into the radiator... On our way again thn after 5 minutes the engine heat up light came on again... Out of water this time... Asked for water from the cars passing by which was quite a scene.. The wagon walas and the truck walas and the suziki daba walas i have realized now are the most helpful in these cases.. One truck driver even stopped and tried to fix the car but by then the damage was almost done.. The engines gas kit was blown... Called the motorway guys.. They came after like half an hour or so.. They said we had like 2 choices either to wait for the toe truck which could take upto 2 hours or we try to get our car slowly to balkasar ( 25 KM away) where we would have some mechanics to fix the car... Tried to make it there by driving very slowly and using alot of water bottles which we had gotten from various people... But the car was in a pretty bad condition so decided to stop the car and call the motorway police again.. They came by and suggested us to stop a truck which can toe us to balkasar ... So finally an oil tanker was stopped which toed us to balkasar with our car literally inches away from the back of it... Finally reached balkasar at around 10 PM.... Yes it took us that long... :P
Finally found a mechanic there which told us that it would take us 3 to 4 hours and we would be free by 3am to 4am... So parked our car there went to a local truck driver hotel for dinner... Which was really good... Had alot of fun over what has happened to us... After dinner and alot of cups of tea went back to the mechanics around 1am and he was still opening the car up... He seemed to have opened a VTEC engine for the first time in his life... :P Anways long story short... After alot of discussion, Gup shup and we playing practical jokes upon each other the car still hadn't been fixed by 5 Am... So we hired our sweden wala friend a car to lahore as he really had to be in lahore in the morning... Me and 2 of my friends stayed with the car.. Went for breakfast from the same hotel we had dinner at 6 am..... Came back around 7am... The car was finally fixed and ready to go by 8 am and we reached our beds by 10 am as we entered isloo at the time of rush hour....
LOL... and this was only the start of the week... :)
To be continued for the rest of the week i guess....
Last week was pretty hectic... A friend who lives in Sweden these days was in town so had one of those all party week.. Plus since i quit the old job so my week was free... The week kinda started on a Saturday as me and some of my friends picked him from the airport around 4 Am at night... We had been out roaming the streets before that since we thought it was better than staying and waiting for him at home.. After picking him up we searched for a nice place for breakfast... Ended up at karachi company... After alot of gup shup over breakfast went home around 6.. Slept till 2 PM... Made a plan to go to Lahore... Left home at 4 PM in our first car (later you will understand why its called the first car).... Near the motorway toll plaza saw the car heat up indicator... Turned towards home from the toll plaza.. The car really got heat up and after using a lot water bottles and stopping by the side of the road reached home...
Changed cars went on our way again by 5 PM... This time managed to cross the toll plaza.. Even the Chakri service area where we stocked up for the journey ahead.... after like 10 minutes from chakri this car also got heat up... Stopped the car again poured some water into the radiator... On our way again thn after 5 minutes the engine heat up light came on again... Out of water this time... Asked for water from the cars passing by which was quite a scene.. The wagon walas and the truck walas and the suziki daba walas i have realized now are the most helpful in these cases.. One truck driver even stopped and tried to fix the car but by then the damage was almost done.. The engines gas kit was blown... Called the motorway guys.. They came after like half an hour or so.. They said we had like 2 choices either to wait for the toe truck which could take upto 2 hours or we try to get our car slowly to balkasar ( 25 KM away) where we would have some mechanics to fix the car... Tried to make it there by driving very slowly and using alot of water bottles which we had gotten from various people... But the car was in a pretty bad condition so decided to stop the car and call the motorway police again.. They came by and suggested us to stop a truck which can toe us to balkasar ... So finally an oil tanker was stopped which toed us to balkasar with our car literally inches away from the back of it... Finally reached balkasar at around 10 PM.... Yes it took us that long... :P
Finally found a mechanic there which told us that it would take us 3 to 4 hours and we would be free by 3am to 4am... So parked our car there went to a local truck driver hotel for dinner... Which was really good... Had alot of fun over what has happened to us... After dinner and alot of cups of tea went back to the mechanics around 1am and he was still opening the car up... He seemed to have opened a VTEC engine for the first time in his life... :P Anways long story short... After alot of discussion, Gup shup and we playing practical jokes upon each other the car still hadn't been fixed by 5 Am... So we hired our sweden wala friend a car to lahore as he really had to be in lahore in the morning... Me and 2 of my friends stayed with the car.. Went for breakfast from the same hotel we had dinner at 6 am..... Came back around 7am... The car was finally fixed and ready to go by 8 am and we reached our beds by 10 am as we entered isloo at the time of rush hour....
LOL... and this was only the start of the week... :)
To be continued for the rest of the week i guess....
on Wednesday, April 20, 2011
So last couple of months have been more or less good i think... But the good things come with more complexities :P ...
I still don't have a girl.... So still single... Been focussed mainly on my career... Job is getting more and more political... Even though somehow i got a really good pay raise... Other than that life has been pretty much normal.. Yea i know my life is boring...
My annual leaves are coming up in a week or so will hopefully enjoy those.. Planning a trip to Istanbul in October... lets see how that pans out...
Country is fucked up as usual... Unable to count the problems that it has...
Friends are fun as usual.. A very big part of my life is a revolving around my friends....
Ohh i almost forgot the biggest and best thing to come in my life is my 7 month old nephew.. Hes completely and totally awesome... I mean seriously.. He has a smile to die for... Hes like the poster child for my family... First baby in our family... First thing i do after coming home from work is to see his smile and carry him around... Takes away all my tiredness when i see his smile... And yes definitely i do want one of my own someday... Even though hes mine :D
Still trying to have fun in my life even though it gets harder everyday you get older... Was in lahore last weekend which was fun... Met with some of my friends one of which studies in LUMs so got to see it... I wana keep on taking holidays and just roam around but thats not possible..
Been out of touch of music lately.. Although shazam is an awesome application to have when your out of touch with music..
Hope to keep blogging regularly from now onwards... See yaa
I still don't have a girl.... So still single... Been focussed mainly on my career... Job is getting more and more political... Even though somehow i got a really good pay raise... Other than that life has been pretty much normal.. Yea i know my life is boring...
My annual leaves are coming up in a week or so will hopefully enjoy those.. Planning a trip to Istanbul in October... lets see how that pans out...
Country is fucked up as usual... Unable to count the problems that it has...
Friends are fun as usual.. A very big part of my life is a revolving around my friends....
Ohh i almost forgot the biggest and best thing to come in my life is my 7 month old nephew.. Hes completely and totally awesome... I mean seriously.. He has a smile to die for... Hes like the poster child for my family... First baby in our family... First thing i do after coming home from work is to see his smile and carry him around... Takes away all my tiredness when i see his smile... And yes definitely i do want one of my own someday... Even though hes mine :D
Still trying to have fun in my life even though it gets harder everyday you get older... Was in lahore last weekend which was fun... Met with some of my friends one of which studies in LUMs so got to see it... I wana keep on taking holidays and just roam around but thats not possible..
Been out of touch of music lately.. Although shazam is an awesome application to have when your out of touch with music..
Hope to keep blogging regularly from now onwards... See yaa
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