Alot

on Thursday, June 24, 2010
So i got alot on my mind right now but i just dont know how to say it or express it or whatever.... So i realized that shit i may not be over her still... I hovering somewhere around the 90s%.. The rest % i will be over her when i find a new girl... I felt weirded out because now shes having a hand bag exhibition.. I mean seriously life changes so drastically so quickly... i never knew she wanted to have hand bag line... Im sure this was one of his ideas.. or maybe not.. I don't know shit about life anymore.. Oh yea to top it of i think i've finally realized that im depressed by choice... I mean how pathetic is that... Does any of you know anyone like me? i bet you don't.... I got depressed after my break up and then after a while i started enjoying the depression.. I started to revel in it.. Now i think its my safe place... I don't wana get out of it... i can't get out of it... I got to somehow stop feeling sorry for myself.. I have to get myself out of this deep shit hole of self pity and do something... I need to accomplish something... I need to do something... I need to have someone... I need to have someone more than a friend... I need to love someone.. Im one of those women in the movies who are just a emotional wreck... They crave to love someone ... They need to love someone.. They need to have someone... Im really going crazy... I need to be saved... like the song from Smallville.. Somebody save me... Or watever.. I think i got a closeted split personality.. which counteracts everything i say... Says just the opposite... i think im a deeply damaged human being... Damage that cannot be reversed.. And fucked up part is that there alot of people out there who go through alot worse than me... I mean there are people out there who have lost one of their parents or even worse both of them.. I mean come on dude... Anyways... Yea i know i said i couldn't express what i had on my mind... but im able to write this coz im listening to "black" right now and it is kinda inspiring me... I need a continuous inspiration in my life.. I need to learn stuff.. i need to know things.. I need to do stuff... I got good brain... I need to used for the good stuff.. not the bad stuff... i need to use my ideas for something new... I dont know.. I maybe need to inspire myself and write something.. But i really don't have the direction for it... Anyways.. i think i should stop now coz i don't know if could ever stop with all this whining shit...
Bye..

2 comments:

nZ! said...

Similar to what I am going through! Very similar! nicely put in words =)

TurbulentMind said...

yes I also know someone in a situation similar to yours.."revelling in depression", yeah sounds similar