Facebook dp

So i still watch ur facebook dp now and then... But its okay... It makes me feel okay...

Love remains the same

So i can slowly feel the love getting out of me... But there is still a lot there... I still have a lot of love in me to give away but I'm afraid that i won't find someone soon enough to give away my love... Now it's just being wasted.. Being rotted away here and there.. No one to care for it.. No one to know the greatness it has.. No one to know the happiness that it can give... The lives that it can change... It just dieing alone in the heart shaped box... It just needs some kind of opportunity to break free and spread it all over the world.... Good Bye my love.... Hope you find someone soon...

Emotional Masochist

So i confess... I am an emotional masochist... I love to emotionally torture myself... I don't want to be one.... But i am... So i have to deal with it....

Insanity

Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results each time.. Thats what you call insanity... I miss my Rj...

Can't Fight Biology

So you can't fight biology... As you look the way your made... In majority of cases Guys are attracted to girls just because of biology... I don't why i started talking about.. Blaahhhhh.... Actually i just watched the Grey's Anatomy episode with the same title.. So just liked the title... Well i find all girls beautiful... I don't know if its just because of biology or am i just like that... I'm attracted to girls that are different... Thats what i know... Anyways.. today was Eid.. So Eid mubarik to everyone.. I enjoyed the fact i wasn't on on-call duty on this eid day since i was on duty the night before... It was like a normal eid with the bakras and alot of red meat.. And all the messy stuff that comes with it... So it was nice... Enjoyed sleeping :D.. However the day ended with me having the weird alone wali feeling even when i was with some of my best friends... This kind of feeling just sometimes hits you in the face.. One moment you chilling with friends having sheesha and next moment you awkwardly quiet with this weird feeling... I don't know if anyone of you have ever had this feeling...
Going to Faisalabad tomorrow to my Mamoo's place for a BBq... That should be fun... Catch you guys later..

We are all innoncent

Yea we are all innocent i guess......

Back to reality

So im gradually coming down from the high i got from the eurotrip... But im good.. Im doing okay... I was back on evening duty which sucked a bit... Couldn't meet up with my friends for this week... By the way i just realized that my country is still fucked up... People are still dying everywhere... Why can't this change.. :(

The Awesome & The hot CheapMunks

So i've been listening to these ladies for a while now... They are really awesome... Heres a collection of there songs.... One i posted yesterday... Rest are in this post....







These girls have voices so better than anything else going around in the country these days... Plus they are girls and there voices are so soothing to the ears... Wish they continue singing...

Birthday Again :P

So my birthday ended like 4 hours ago... It was awesome... The evening with friends was great... Had a Sheesha / Woofer party after dinner outside Eclipse.. It was great.. Had fun...

So the last week has been going good.. Not much work at office... Actually no work :P but it will soon change... Anyways.. Ive been feeling pretty good after my euro-trip... I mean i think i might be happy :P Seriously i think i am.. I dont know.. It might have been too long since the last time i was happy but i think i recognize the feeling ... So i guess im happy.. I hope it continues... :P

Okay so its official... Im looking for girls who are interested in a non-serious boyfriend-girlfriend relationship... :P Seriously i am... it maybe the Europe affect but i am looking for someone... So anyone interested please contact me.. :)

The Europe pic collection i will try to put up soon...

So this mesh up of songs is great.. The cheapmunks have done it pretty well... Plus they are cute and hot :D Anyways enjoy the song.. For those who havent heard it before...

Bye Bye Europe

So im sitting at Brno Airport... I have a flight from here in like 50 minutes.... Going to prague.. From there to dubai.. And from there to my beautiful isloo... :D Theres no place like home.... I have like a 5 hours stay in prague and like 22 hour stay in Dubai.... So its gona be a long long journey... I think i will miss europe a bit... I was kinda getting used to it... If i could somehow shift all my friends and my family here i would definitely live here.. :P if they'll allow me that is... So lets see looking back on my last month.... It was really a awesome trip... Seriously an experience of a lifetime... Would remember it for the rest of my life... All the countries i visited and all the travelling was awesome.... Special Thanks to my brother for arraning everything for the trips and showing me around enscehde, Germany and belgium... It was awesome... Thanks to one of my new friends from pakistan for roaming around Amseterdam with me... Thanks to ammoo bhai one of my best friends for showing me around stockholm,sweden.... And last but not the least my stay in the czech republic was nicee tooo.... The best part about it was making a new Polish friend.... My first eatern european friend.... Had alot of fun with him.... Especially the trips to prague... And vienna which also included his wife... I have now plans to visit poland at sometime in my life :D..... Overall it was one of the best experiences of my life... Will always remember it.. I promise to put a small collection of pics when i get back to isloo..... Hope to see you back home... :)

I like the way it hurts

Ive fallen in love with megan fox once again :P

Still not in Pakistan :P

So let have a quick update of whats been going on... So reahced Brno, Czech republic on 10-10-10... Went through berlin... Stayed in berlin for a night.. Berlin is an awesome city... So on my trips i have seen cities which have either the history or the modern buildings with the fast city life... Berlin has both the history and the modern city life... So thats why i liked it.. So its a must visit if your ever on a eurotrip...

So im been in Brno for like a week now... its the second biggest city of Czech republic.. Has a lot of history... I kinda like it :P

Been having the training for 4 days... training was really good.. really informational... learned alot... By the way heres the view from my hotel room :)





Yesterday went to prague with a new Polish friend... Had fun... Really awesome Architecture... Loved it... Gona go to Vienna tomorrow.... So saving up the energy.. I miss my friends back home....Anyways These last 20 or so days will be somewhere near the top of my list when i look back on my life i think.. :D

Song for today

Yes i'm watching being erica these days.... :P .... Yes i'm tired of life even though its pretty great... Im sorry God for feeling this way... Im sorry for not being thankful.... I have this feeling that this would be my song for a while now....





I know that you don’t
Know that I know what you know
We’ve got secrets between us that
Nobody else would believe if we told them
So let the stars align
And let the water make wine ’cause
Broken souls will become whole tonight, oh tonight
We know it’s right so

(Chorus)
Lift your eyes and let me in
‘Cause baby I’m an alien like you
Would you ever wake at night and realize
The reason why you knew me then
Is maybe I’m an alien too
Would you ever let me be an alien with you

I know that believing
Is hard with the feeling
That home must be millions and millions of light years away
So let the heavens flare
And let’s not be scared, ’cause
We know love’s a world above this one
It’s like the sun so

(Chorus)
Lift your eyes and let me in
‘Cause baby I’m an alien like you
Would you ever wake at night and realize
The reason why you knew me then
Is maybe I’m an alien too
Would you ever let me be an alien with you

The days of solitude are gone
Because we’ve both spent way too long
Hearing voices on the radio
And we can’t let anybody know
No we can’t let anybody know

(Chorus)
Lift your eyes and let me in
‘Cause baby I’m an alien like you
Would you ever wake at night and realize
The reason why you knew me then
Is maybe I’m an alien too
Would you ever let me be an alien…
Lift your eyes and let me in
‘Cause baby I’m an alien like you
Would you ever let me be an alien…

My Favorite Song these days..

I could really use a wish right now......

Weirdness Continues

Weirdness Continues... It is definitely the collection of small little things and with my fucked up mind acting as a catalyst to it.... *Hmmmm*

Quick Quote

My life is like the poster child for Melancholy...

Weirdness Is Back

So the weirdness is back... It was i guess some tiredness... Mixed with the death my Uncle(phuppa).. Mixed with me missing home a bit... Mixed with me having to for the training in Czech even though it would be great for me career wise.... I don't im just a loser whose weird... I've been around most of Netherlands on a train... Except for the Den hag and Rotterdam which i plan on visiting in next couple of days.. Not so sure thought... I have visited all the major cities of North Rhine-Westphalia province of Germany which are Dortmund, Düsseldorf, Cologne and Munster.... I have seen major part of Stockholm.... And these days were one of the best days of my life.... But the weirdness is back maybe due to the reasons stated above... Well i will try my best to get rid of it as i still got alot of days left in my stay in Europe... Along with my training in Czech days... Anyways... Hope all of you are doing fine.. Please pray for my Phuppa.. Goodbye and Good luck with your lives....

04-10-2010 Another Death in the Family

So a few moments ago i heard that my phuppa died in Canada... I don't know what i'm feeling... I don't what to feel... This is the 3rd death in my family in like 5 months... I don't know anything... I really awesome past 10 days now just feel weird to me... I knew i couldn't stay happy this long....

What happens in stockholm stays in stockholm :D

So yesterday i was in Germany with my brother.. It was awesome and had fun.. Went to dortmund and then to dusseldorf and then to cologne.. Cologne was extremely awesome... Then on my way back went through munster.. Came back at night.. Today i came to stockholm sweden to meet a really good friend.. Im having fun coz what happens in stockholm stays in stockholm... :D

Awesome Song

I forgot how much i loved this song... The video is awesome....

Another Quick Update from Netherlands

So i don't wana blog coz im in a good mood... :) Anyways... Just wanted to say that i'm having an awesome time in Netherlands... Yesterday went to Amsterdam... It was great... Those who are on my facebook list would be able to see the pics... Going to Stockholm on the 1st October to meet up with a friend... Looking forward to it... And most probably im going to Czech Republic on the 10th October.. So it seems like ill be in Europe for most of the time... I think im gona miss my home... Anyways.. See you later...

Hello Netherlands :P

So im in Netherlands now... So the first couple of observation are as follows:

Ofcourse the cleanliness was obvious...

The people seem to be very quiet here.. (yea i knew they would be) but they are were really quiet.. They don't bother anyone...

And is it just me or the female population is way more than the male population.. Need to google this...Right now im way too tired to do it so thats it for now...

Quick update

So just wanted to give everyone a quick update... This week has been kinda nice.. On monday got my passport back from czech embassy.. So which means i can go to netherlands to visit my bro in a couple of hours.. Sitting in the lounge right now.. Waiting for the boarding to start.. On tuesday i became an uncle.. My brother had an awesome baby boy.. Mustafa.. And yes i love the name .. Anyways more updates and maybe pics when i reach netherlands... See ya..

Always about a girl

I guess most of the things in life is about a girl....

Sooo...

So it was eid... It wasn't that bad... It was okay i think... One of my best friends is here for eid so that been really cool... Have been hanging out with him...so that has been good... Uske baad chaand raat was with friends which is always nice... Eid day was the on call for office day... It went okay... Had to do some office work but didn't turn out that bad.. Since ended up with friends at night... Uske baad 2nd day went to lahore... It was the first eid after the death of my Mamoo and Nanii.. So it was pretty emotional... Really miss them both... Especially my Nanijan... Could still imagine her laying on her bed in her room... It was really sad and emotional... Especially when i went to her grave for fateha... She was the perfect role model in life... Regardless of gender... She was the ultimate respectable person... True guardian over all of us... Really Miss you nanijan..

Anyways.. After that at night went out with a friend from office he is in a different job now but had great fun with him... he still can discuss the stories from my office with me which is awesome...
Came back to isloo today... Have to go to office in the morning which is messed up...

I still need someone... I don't know... Whatever i guess...

Blues

Well my life is like the monday blues everyday.... I've just been cranky and irritated a little more than usual.... Anyways... Since its Eid... I have to do something better... I mean make the mood somehow better.... Im gona be on call on Eid day as usual which sucks but i had no choice... Since i have to go to lahore the second day.... Well Hopefully it will be not that bad... So most probably my Netherlands trip has been delayed by a week and hence shortened by a week... And i still don't know about my Czech trip so its kinda uncertain as usual... And im stuck on the song below...



Check the lyrics as usual.....

Clarity

So i again need clarity in life as usual... My brain just goes kaboom when it doesn't have clarity.... Waisay bhi i think the meds that im on are having a weird affect on me... Need clarity now...

Yes Your Right.

Yes i only blog when i'm feeling weird... Sad.. Depressed... Not happy.... When i'm having fun or being happy i don't blog that much.... Today i'm feeling tired... And i wanted to party but no one was free.... Shit happens... I don't know what is gona happen in the next few months or maybe a year or so... The world around me is not so good either... Still people are dying everyday.... So its not like i should be feeling any better because of the atmosphere around me... Anyways.. just don't feel like writing anymore... I need some kind of inspiration for me to move forward....

LOSSTT

So i guess im lost again... Wait.. i was lost before too.. Im just lost... I have lost wali feeling almost 40% of the day... That so fucked up... And now i have realized that what this lifestyle had clinically and medically done to me....I'm Psychologically and Medically broke... What more is wrong with me.....

Bad feelings

So really not feeling so good right now... Im in that moment when u like sleep after iftari and u wake up at around 11:30 pm or something .. And u realized that u shud have gone out with friends instead of sleeping it out... U just have that bad taste in your mouth of undigested food.. ( i know disgusting.. ) And ur brain is like completely numb... And ur thinking of all the bad things that have happened to you... I wish i had a girl friend or something... So i could text the bad feelings away.... I know im a loser with a capital L... Listening to last to know by three days (refer to my last post if u wana listen too) which is not making things better.... Now im thinking that i kinda revel in moment like these..... Im weird.. :S

Three Days Grace is My Savior

So three days grace is my savior these days.... Been listening to their new album... It rocks... Totally... It just does... I love it.... Seriously im in love with them...
A couple of the songs are...

Last To Know



Someone Who Cares



So my plans of going to Netherlands might have gotten fucked up... A training of mine has come up and i might have to go to BRNO, CZECH republic... Seriously i don't travel that much and now i have these two trips to Europe... :P Well.. the Netherlands trip might not happen because of the Visa may not be available that early or something... But im planing on going to netherlans anyway maybe after the training or something.... But lets see... Things are going to be weird... :P

World So depressed

So as everyone has been blogging around... Our country has just gone down the drain... And now there is no use talking about.... Everybody is just so god damn depressed... They feel so helpless... They don't know what to do... I think my depression was contagious or something.... It spread to the whole of the country.... Yea it totally feels that way to me.. Its either that or im just living in alternate reality of my own and my brain is just molding the world around me like the way i am feeling.. Woah.. that could be movie or something... Anyways... We need to get out of this shell of helplessness.... This seems like the movie i saw yesterday.. "shutter island"... you know when everything is just so weird... I need to be in one of those mental hospitals... I think i have a split personality now (like you haven't thought that before).. coz now i'm yelling inside my brain to stop acting so crazy.. Stop acting like your this mentally damaged person... Your totally normal... So just grow up and act like it....

So what can we do about our country... Well... one thought is that all of could take a indefinite leave of absence from our jobs and stuff that we are doing and just go help the flood affected people... Our we don't need to be so dramatic we could just go and help on the weekends... Cut down on our wasteful spending (easier said than done) and the money we save up, give to the people that need them... By the way i think there are alot of good people out there who are actually really doing this stuff , as in working their ass off and giving alot of money but the scale of the disaster is just way too big... I think the civilian organizations should start working with the Army.. because all of us know that the only institution in this country that may have the resources to deal with us is the ARMY... Somehow there needs to be a liaison person between the Army and the civilians...

Write now i have this funny picture in my mind... Like it happens in the disaster movies... There is this central command authority and they have this fancy screens with maps on them with the affected areas highlighted .. And everyone is on the phone co-coordinating the efforts... Like everyone knows where food is required.. Where water is required... Where there are alot of injured people... You know... Things like that... I so wish we had something like that in our country.... Anyways.. back to how i started the post... We can dream and hope but there not much left of it... And everybody is just depressed... And i haven't even started talking about the barbaric Sialkot incident (yea we just call it that.. Can't even think about it..)... And the law and order situation in Karachi... I mean... I maybe committing blasphemy here but i really think that God is just kinda sick & tired with us(including me)... But there is still hope... Yes there always is... They are still good people out there... There are still beautiful babies being born in the camps.... There are still ordinary people help other ordinary people... They are still good things happening... Our bullshit media just needs to portray it more often... (OH yes i really hate our media.. Someday soon im gona write a conspiracy theory about the media).... If they carry on reporting depressing things or just filming people crying... All of our people will need long hours a therapy sessions with a psychiatrist....

On a personal note... I need to take care of myself.. I need to clean up my act... I need have a better sleep routine... Coz the current one isn't good for my health (Im serious)... I need to do something productive outside my job... Or atleast i need to find something... Lets just start with a good routine and some exercise.. :P

So have been listening to some good music lately.... Three days grace new album is great ... Have always loved them... Here is one of the songs.. Appropriately Depressing.. :D



Three Days Grace - World So Cold

I never thought I'd feel this
Guilty and I'm broken down inside
Livin' with myself nothing but lies

I always thought I'd make it
But never knew I'd let it get so bad
Livin' with myself is all I have

I feel numb
I can't come to life
I feel like I'm frozen in time

Livin' in a world so cold, wasting away
Livin' in a shell with no soul since you've gone away
Livin' in a world so cold, counting the days
Since you've gone away, you've gone away

Do you ever feel me?
Do you ever look deep down inside
Starin' at yourself, paralyzed?

I feel numb
I can't come to life
I feel like I'm frozen in time

Livin' in a world so cold, wasting away
Livin' in a shell with no soul since you've gone away
Livin' in a world so cold, counting the days
Since you've gone away, you've gone away from me

I'm too young to lose my soul
I'm too young to feel this old
So long, I'm left behind
I feel like I'm losing my mind

Do you ever feel me?
Do you ever look deep down inside
Starin' at your life, paralyzed?

Livin' in a world so cold, wasting away
Livin' in a shell with no soul since you've gone away
Livin' in a world so cold, counting the days
Since you've gone away, you've gone away from me

I'm too young
I'm too young

Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene

So i have found the ultimate chick song... I mean this song is soo amazing... This is for all the girls out there who had their man taken away from them by some other girl.... This song rocks..... I so feel for this girl....



Jolene

Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Im begging of you please don't take my man
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Please don't take him just because you can
Your beauty is beyond compare
With flaming locks of auburn hair
With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green
Your smile is like a breath of spring
Your voice is soft like summer rain
And I cannot compete with you, jolene

He talks about you in his sleep
There's nothing I can do to keep
From crying when he calls your name, jolene

And I can easily understand
How you could easily take my man
But you don't know what he means to me, jolene

Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Im begging of you please don't take my man
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Please don't take him just because you can

You could have your choice of men
But I could never love again
Hes the only one for me, jolene

I had to have this talk with you
My happiness depends on you
And whatever you decide to do, jolene

Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Im begging of you please don't take my man
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Please don't take him even though you can
Jolene, jolene

I wana scream so loud...

So ramadan is here.. And as usual im not spending it as it should be.... As in religious wise.. But this time i don't wana coz it will be all fake.... Coz im just not ready during my normal days so why should i do it during Ramadan.. I mean that would be like cheating with God.... So i don't wana cheat with him.... Someday i will do good to God... And beg forgiveness... Though i need to do something....

I need to help people.... I want to help people.. Somehow... I want to help the country... I don't know...

So EP has got there new song out... Its kinda cool.. Even though it could have been much better.. I mean his voice could have been much louder.. I mean like scream the hell out... Butt saab was better thought... I like the song though....



So this is what our country should be doing.... i mean the revolution should be through things like this.... There should be alot of songs like these coming around... I mean i know it might be not taken serious but it should start with a couple of songs like these but than it should start something.... I really think that the theater should be doing something... I mean start plays.... These days there is only one place where plays are staged but their should be more places.... Then start political satires... And keep running the plays... Some people should be sponsoring it for a long time... And these politically revolutionary play should run in parallel... And just keep running and spread the word around.... I think people should now start an artistic wise revolution... Maybe something will happen....
And people should keep writing stuff... Articles die down... Books should be written... Books really do have an impact....

People are really suffering in the country... And they are gona suffer some more... All the rest of the people can do is do something.... Just do something... What am i doing is telling people to do something which is like the lowest form of doing something... Anyways people should do something....

At a personal level im not doing so good.... Though i feel so guilty that people around me are way worse...... I mean things are just coming along... I just haven't woken up... And me waking up is really hard... I push away people who really know whats going on... I stay close to people who don't know whats going on... There are some friends who i keep close and they are good... But Everything seems okay... And it will be okay.... I just wana scream out loud....

I want someone to come with me to the tallest building in the city and scream out loud... Who will come with me?? Anyone??

Messed up

How much can a person be messed up... I mean there should be a limit to these things... You shouldn't just keep on getting messed up more every day... I'm so feeling weird right now... Im so bad too my parents... Im so bad to myself.. Im so bad to my stupid brain... I need help... I definitely need help... I wana just leave everything and walk away from my life... Yea thats what should i do... Just leave everything and walk away... Fuckk... Im just soo unbelievably messed up.... Somebody help me... But be warned i usually run away from people who try to help me...

Finally Found it...

So i finally found this song i was searching for... I heard a while back.. didn't know the name.... Tried to search it online but couldn't find it... Heard it again a couple of days back.. Didn't know the name... Searched for it again and found it... :D Heres the song...



Heart Skipped A Beat

Please don't say we're done
When I'm not finished
I could give you so much
Make you feel, like never before
Welcome, they said welcome to the floor

It's been a while
And you've found someone better
But I've been waiting too long to give this up
The more I see, I understand
But sometimes, I still need you

Sometimes, I still need you

I was struggling to get in
Left waiting outside your door
I was sure
You'd give me more

No need to come to me
When I can make it all the way to you
You made it clear
You weren't near
Near enough for me

Heart skipped a beat
And when I caught it you were out of reach
But I'm sure, I'm sure
You've heard if before

So things have been really messed up in the country... Especially with the floods... Now i hear its like 3 million people displaced... Kinda been trying to do something.. Made a small donation... But thats all i did.. I wana do more... Im addicted to this song... I wana make things better around me... I wana make myself better somehow... As i just have to right now... I need to repair my damaged life... Im trying... But not having much affect but still kinda trying....
We need to do something for this country of ours....

My all time depressing Song

This song just makes me feel so depressed.... I dedicate this to all the people who passed away in the plane crash.. especially Muhammad Umar Khan.....

Sad Day

So someone i know did pass away in the crash... A guy from my batch in university died in the crash.... May his soul rest in peace along with all of those people who passed away... Today truly is a sad day... Days like these are not good for my emotional state.... Fuck... All i can do is not think about it... Which is kinda cold... Anyways.. My prayers are with all those people... Especially Muhammad Umer Khan ...*Sigh*... :((

Alcoholics Anonymous

So i want help.... Somebody help me.... I need help... I admit it... Im an addict... Im a masochist.... Im a worker... I maybe one of the nicest person out there... I wana be a darwaish.. I wana be a Sufi... I wana study sufism... I want the world to go deep down into sufism.... They needs to be a big debate on sufism.... But im kinda tired of this life.. I feel tired.... I need to accomplish something.... I need to find something... People around me are messed up in their own worlds... People are dying... People are getting mistreated.. People getting raped... Crime is everywhere... We need to go back to Sufism... But somehow i don't believe it can happens... I need to solve issues... I need fix things.. I need to fix the problems around me... I need to fix the problems of the world... I miss Palvshe... The Fm 89 dj that used to come do the rush hour show... Im sick... Im ill.. My brain waves are not working right.... I want to party somehow.... I need to travel... Hopefully that will start with my visit to the netherlands this September...

So it finally caught up to me

So my self-pleasuring depression has finally caught up to me... All those sleepless nights have finally got my health in a choke hold.... I have fallen pray to my depression and it has started affecting my health... The first time it happened.. I just ignored it.. Just didn't wana think about it.. And now it has happened the second time and it front of everyone... Now almost everyone knows that something is wrong.. And im just telling them that everything is okay... I need to get out of it now.. Coz this seriously is freaking out my parents... I mean they don't deserve it.... I need to make myself better... I need to make myself feel better...And this time i really am trying.... My advice to everyone out there who may think they are in something similar... Just don't be like me.... And Good luck with everything...

Finally Back

So finally im back.. Wasn't feeling well health wise lately.. But im slowly getting back to health... Been listening to this song....

Weird / Funny Comment :P

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

It Ends Tonight

So i've got some memories associated with this song.... When you've listened to so many songs... There are alot of songs that remind of you of stuff... i Dont why im up at this time... I should be sleeping since i have to go to work tomorrow... Anyways heres the song...



It Ends Tonight

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can’t explain myself at all.
And all that wants
And all that needs
All I don’t want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can’t explain what you can’t explain.
Your finding things that you didn’t know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

[Chorus]
When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight will make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I’m on my own side
It’s better than being on your side
It’s my fault when your blind
It’s better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you’re the first to know

[Chorus x2]

Hmm.. Alone

Its moment like these that i feel alone... Hence the name "Lonely" perverted soul.... Its just weird how alone i feel right now....

In Office...

So in office.. I don't like evening shift... there kinda boring... I wanna go out with friends and just chill... My senior guys in the team are against me ... Hahahah... but my manager is with me... Its so fucking political here... :P Anyways... Just listening to songs... Weird ones.. like the bilal khan one... I need something... I think i really should go to Netherlands...

Anyways.. don't know what else to talk about... Byee..

A day to be alone

So just came back from my office... Surprisingly i left it on time.. :P But i have to be up till like 6:30 am because of this fucking activity i have to be on call for.. *Sigh*.. Anyone wanna stay up with me...? Im listening to this song shared by nZ! .. She seems to have a similar situation in her mind to me.. Probably the same things go through her head as mine... But i don't know what things lead her to thinking like the way i do... Anyways.. Enjoy the song.. Its awesome...



One Less Reason : A Day To Be Alone

She said I wonder when it'll be my day
'Cause I'm not too far from breaking down
And all IÂ’ve got are screams inside
But somehow they come out in a smile
And I'm wondering if I'll always feel this way, this way

(Chorus)
Tell me about those nights you stayed awake
Tell me about those days you hated me
Tell me how you'd rather die alone
Than being stuck here with me
And maybe you've fallen down
And maybe you just took the long way home
But baby you could never love you Â… like me
And one day this will fade away
In the mirror you'll see a smiling face
And standing next to you will always be me, yea me

One day you're gonna see things my way
You gave me so much room that I can't breathe
When all I've got are pictures to view
There was nothing before it all started with you
For some reason it's supposed to be that way, that way

(Chorus)
Tell me about those nights you stayed awake
Tell me about those days you hated me
Tell me how you'd rather die alone
Than being stuck here with me
And maybe you've fallen down
And maybe you just took the long way home
But baby you could never love you Â… like me
And one day this will fade away
In the mirror you'll see a smiling face
And standing next to you will always be me, yea me

If I could shrink it down and put it in your hands
We made it hurt so much, I can't forget the past
Just tell me what to say, show me what to do
Then I can forgive me and I would forgive you

(Chorus)
And maybe you've fallen down
And maybe you just took the long way home
But baby you will never love you Â… like me
And one day this will fade away
In the mirror you'll see a smiling face
And standing next to you will always be me
You know will always be me
And I will wait, always be me, yea
Till I see your smiling…

Where did they come from?

Okay just like to say that our society has been over run by these teenagers with their western clothing and western styles and western accents and western way of thinking... I mean where did they come from... They weren't around when i was growing up.. Or i was just oblivious to them... Okay you might tell by my blog and my middle name that i hang in mostly an all boys circle of friends and when we go out to hit all the "IN" places we find these girls and boys sitting there... Im not judging them or anything... but they just seem a bit different from us.... Oh yea and also because we are jealous of them coz they're sitting with girls and we're not... And yea we stare to.. Whatever.. but that's not the point... They are sitting at these expensive places and spending all their parents money... I mean.. i dont know what i want to say here... Maybe im just a bit concerned about wheres our younger generation is going... I mean when we were that age we have to save from our lunch money to go out maybe once a week... I don't.. They are kinda spoiling the other teenagers too because when they look at them they wana be like them.. coz they have all the girls and money and stuff.. I dont know... Everyone thinks that they are just a small part of the society... But i think they are the only part of the society that we see out there... The remaining part of the society just stay in their homes.. I dont know.. I guess i wana be like them too.. I want the girls.. i want the cars.. i want the money.. but thats just weird... I don't know maybe we should just leave them be and do what they want... After all they are a free source of poondi for us guys... They do what they want and we do what we want... No one bothering each other... Live and let live....

I don't know what this post was about... Actually i saw the trailer for the movie "Slackistan" which is coming out soon... or i just wanted to write some shit..

Wish

I so wish right now that i had a sister who would make me a toasted cheese sandwich and i won't have to get out of bed myself... I really wish...

Alot

So i got alot on my mind right now but i just dont know how to say it or express it or whatever.... So i realized that shit i may not be over her still... I hovering somewhere around the 90s%.. The rest % i will be over her when i find a new girl... I felt weirded out because now shes having a hand bag exhibition.. I mean seriously life changes so drastically so quickly... i never knew she wanted to have hand bag line... Im sure this was one of his ideas.. or maybe not.. I don't know shit about life anymore.. Oh yea to top it of i think i've finally realized that im depressed by choice... I mean how pathetic is that... Does any of you know anyone like me? i bet you don't.... I got depressed after my break up and then after a while i started enjoying the depression.. I started to revel in it.. Now i think its my safe place... I don't wana get out of it... i can't get out of it... I got to somehow stop feeling sorry for myself.. I have to get myself out of this deep shit hole of self pity and do something... I need to accomplish something... I need to do something... I need to have someone... I need to have someone more than a friend... I need to love someone.. Im one of those women in the movies who are just a emotional wreck... They crave to love someone ... They need to love someone.. They need to have someone... Im really going crazy... I need to be saved... like the song from Smallville.. Somebody save me... Or watever.. I think i got a closeted split personality.. which counteracts everything i say... Says just the opposite... i think im a deeply damaged human being... Damage that cannot be reversed.. And fucked up part is that there alot of people out there who go through alot worse than me... I mean there are people out there who have lost one of their parents or even worse both of them.. I mean come on dude... Anyways... Yea i know i said i couldn't express what i had on my mind... but im able to write this coz im listening to "black" right now and it is kinda inspiring me... I need a continuous inspiration in my life.. I need to learn stuff.. i need to know things.. I need to do stuff... I got good brain... I need to used for the good stuff.. not the bad stuff... i need to use my ideas for something new... I dont know.. I maybe need to inspire myself and write something.. But i really don't have the direction for it... Anyways.. i think i should stop now coz i don't know if could ever stop with all this whining shit...
Bye..

Q...

Have any of you ever felt a little depressed if your Ex is doing better than you??

Crazyy..

So my life at the moment is i think in the danger of being taken over by my work.. Which maybe not a bad thing but i'm not too sure about it.... I have this problem that i constantly need to have something to do or maybe not to do but something nice to think about or do.... Something that keeps me busy in a good... It can be either going out with friends which is in most the cases the thing i do.. Or just something that keeps me from getting bored.. I just can't stay bored for like 5 minutes.. I start going crazy if stay bored for more than that... I constantly need something to entertain me.. And considering the fact im quite different than most people than finding something to entertain my self is quite difficult.... I know.. i need a girl... But is that just it... I mean is my sole fun filled and joyful existence (and is use fun filled and joyful here coz i know i can survive my life one way or the other) depending on finding someone that is compatible for me from the opposite sex... Hmm.. That is kinda scary but i dont know... Is that what we all are looking for is it just me... I see people looking for better things like jobs, studies etc... But are they just really wanting a girl in the end when they all have found those things that they were striving for... Or maybe im just starting from the end.... Maybe im just looking for the girl first and then go for all the other things after that... But if we think a little more about it... What the hell am i going for.... I mean it really is a hell of responsibility having someone or some people depend on you for all kinds of stuff... I mean coz trust me i may not be ready for it because i really am the spoiled brat in my family.. The youngest child... I mean i know i can survive but how can i look after myself having in mind that i have to be in the best of health saying i may have people depend on me in the future... Thats why i say im all for finding a rich girl for myself... So we just can live of her wealthy inheritance all my life and i can just do what i enjoy doing... All you romantic people out there please dont get shocked by this but i think marriage should really be a business proposal.. i mean it should have a business plan with a 5 year road plan which might be reconsidered after every 2 years.... Seriously.. i mean that might be better for all the parties that are involved... Now just don't scream and start cursing me just yet coz i might have said the anti-cupid or anti-love thing... Because i was the romantic once and i like to think i still am and i was prepared to get married just on love with a lousy low paid job and prayers of my parents to go on but it really just don't happen that much.... Anyways.. I kinda really do believe in love and all that but its really hard if its just love... Love just really needs a lot of luck to pull through... And won't harm either to have alot of money too.... Khair.. I think i have emptied my mind alot for now... Thanks for reading my crap if you really are reading it.... And im not gona proof read it either....

BOL... Somebody Speak

Well the last 3 days have been really crappy at work... Almost all of my team has gone away on trainings and i alone have to do all the shitty work.... Its just messy.. and when you have a bull shit team lead to deal with all the time it gets really tough.. lets just hope i can pass the next 2 days.... The Football is going good... Spain lost which was freaky.... I need to plan something for this weekend.... Well what little time i had this afternoon after lunch i started reading that love letter of closed eyes.. which really made me miss the times that i had... I really miss falling in love.. I really miss having someone about you feel that way.. About whom you just feel like that you can't live without that person... Hmm... Well.. Thats life.. not everyone can be happy.... I just have to deal with my work these days... Well these days im stuck on one of my really old favorites by noori again... Bol... Hope you enjoy it as much as i do....




Saye Thay,
Parchayioon Mein Kiyoon Mein Khoya,
Tarey Thay,
Andheron Mein Kiyoon Mein Roya,

Dil Ray.. Dil Ro.. Anjane rahi Bolay.. Dil De.. Dil Kho,
Roti Meri Akhiyaan Bolein, Bastay Hein Dil Mein Roag,
Deewana Dil Bas Itna Bolay, Sun Yaar Bol Ab Dil Kay,
Bol... Man Re, Sun Lay Yara Bol... Man Bol, Dil Tu Ga Ray..
Ye Aahein Sun Yara Chupti Nahi Is Dil Mein,
Sun Saathi Sun Yara Basti Nahi Is Dil Mein,

Dil Yara Bolay Mera Jag Say Na Darna,
Phoolon Ki Kaliyoon Say Natay Jor,
Dil Yara Mera Phir hi Hai Akela,
Lagay Nahi mera Man Is Oarh,

Dil Ray.. Dil Ro.. Anjane rahi Bolay.. Dil De.. Dil Kho,
Roti Meri Akhiyaan Bolein, Bastay Hein Dil Mein Roag,
Deewana Dil Bas Itna Bolay, Sun Yaar Bol Ab Dil Kay,

Bol... Man Re, Sun Lay Yara Bol... Man Bol, Dil Tu Ga Ray..
Ye Aahein Sun Yara Chupti Nahi Is Dil Mein,
Sun Saathi Sun Yara Basti Nahi Is Dil Mein...

Anyone there

Hey is anyone there... i need someone to talk to....

The Only Exception

Yes you truly were the only exception.... Yes you are... You can't deny it... Its definitely ..Mostly completely true... Yesterday was so tiring... Went after Jumma to work... And came back at 7 in the morning.... Im just tired of all these problems... Anyways... Lets see ... After sleeping in short intervals till arnd 6.. Finally went out arnd 8.... After roaming around for a while.. went to Rock bistro... Their Red Lady Sheesha is to die for... Really awesome... Anyways.. im hooked to this song by Paramore...



The Only Exception

When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist

But darling,
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well, You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving
In the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

Ohh---

You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, And I'm on my way to believing

Tired

So feeling tired right now... These Evening/Night shifts are killing me... Sadly my annual leaves for this half of the year were used up in the death of my mamoo and nani... And the bad part is my weekend is also on call.... I really hope its going to be chill... Right now im sitting in office waiting to start a activity at half past midnight... Im just tired.... Listening to music.. Hoping to find some one online to chat to.... Unfortunately i have this bad affect on people that they just don't wana talk to me anymore.. Maybe im just too direct.... Sigh... Lets just chill... back to music... And hoping that the weekend goes okay and is not messed up....

Black

I know i have posted this before.... but just wanted to post it again.... One of my all time favorite songs....



"Black"

Hey... oooh...
Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay
Were laid spread out before me as her body once did.
All five horizons revolved around her soul
As the earth to the sun
Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn

Ooh, and all I taught her was everything
Ooh, I know she gave me all that she wore
And now my bitter hands chafe beneath the clouds
Of what was everything.
Oh, the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...

I take a walk outside
I'm surrounded by some kids at play
I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear?
Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head
I'm spinning, oh, I'm spinning
How quick the sun can drop away

And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass
Of what was everything?
All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...

All the love gone bad turned my world to black
Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I'll be... yeah...
Uh huh... uh huh... ooh...

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,
I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky, but why
Why, why can't it be, can't it be mine

Aah... uuh..

Too doo doo too, too doo doo [many times until fade]

Fucked UP..

Im feeling so fucked up... I stayed up the whole fucking night and then came back office today... And will have to stay till 2 or 2:30am... Im feeling soo fucked and weird... Life is just weird... Yea im soo fucking moody... My mood swings double the mood swings of a pregnant woman.... I want out of this... I just want out... Bye

EXs should just Disappear

So this post by Pixie reminded me of the time when i got to know that my Ex was engaged... For a moment i was lost... Couldn't breath... Smoked alot of ciggis that day... It was like almost 3 months after my break up... And kinda can't blame her for it.. Because im the one who told her that she should get engaged or married because it will help her get over me... I didnt know it would be so soon... I had no right to be angry at her but i kinda still was... The situation was fucked up... Then she got married after 10 or so months which was really fucked up... Smoked alot that day too... Even though the feeling are buried deep inside me these days.. But still they come up sometimes to show their ugly head... Friends help alot... So does sheesha and Some cigarettes... Hope everyone is dealing with it in their own way...

Nice Guys Finish Last

So this post is related to this post by "You Did What!?" on her blog a while back.... Actually this post is in defense of the dieing breed of us nice guys... We are being driven to extinction by all those girls out there..

I have seen throughout my life that almost all the girls go for the bad boys... You the ones with the bad boy image... The ones who don't really give a shit about girls and just wana play around.... With their gelled up hair and ear rings and heavy bikes and all that crap... I mean i know its exciting for the girls to go for these boys.. But why all of you go for... You go for guys with the biggest egos... You go for guys who you know will leave you the second they get bored but you still go for them... You go for guys about whom you know that they just want sex and phone sex etc... but still you for them... On other hand us nice guys just sit on sidelines waiting for a girl to come to her senses and realize that all the good guys are on the bench...And are actually not playing the game.... We don't want to play the game because to us its all crap... Guys like us have never smoked a cigarette, never did drugs.. never drank any alcohol.. Never messed around with a girl... And always treated girls with respect....

But how long will the nice guys take it... Trust me its not for long... We are already a dieing breed.. People are crossing the lines and crossing onto the other side... They just can't take it anymore... And i blame it on you girls out there who just couldn't settle for a nice guy and wanted a bad boy for herself... So Please females try to give us nice guys some attention and save us from extinction....

Fuck me, I hate myself....

Im really hating myself right now!!!

I Really Miss Some Things

So played cricket almost after a year... Played today and yesterday... Now parts of my body really hurt... Yesterday Enjoyed the rain alot after a long time... Enjoyed getting wet :P .... Hmm.. I miss things... Actually this post by closed eyes made me think about my times... When i used to talk for hours on the phone and time would fly by.. Neither side prepared to say goodbye.. In the i would just listen to her breathing and wait till she slept... I really miss those times.. Actually i think i miss more the idea of having someone.. Human Beings are really pathetic... They kill one another... but the truth is that they can't live without each other... I have Nostalgia in the air right now... Hmm.. Im just to tired to write right now....

Happy Brithday Bro

Happy Birthday Big Bro... Hope you have a great day.. I miss you.. :P

Im just so bored

So im writing this post because im just soo bored right now... I dont know what to do.. Im going crazy as usual... So yesterday's shootings were really sad.. i think death toll is now 98.... I really think its again one of those strategic incidents planned by foreign powers who just want to destabilize a already unstable country... They just want us to fight among ourselves.... And we are so going to fight among ourselves.... I don't know whats going to happen..... And i don't wana talk abt ahmedis or anything or whether it was a ibedatgah or a masjid... All i know that human beings died which is just so sad... So many people are dying these days....

In other news gary coleman also passed away... Yea the short funny guy has died... Definitely a loss for the entertainment industry...

I feel so helpless and bored.... I need to go to Cafe' have sheesha and just chill... But i also need to have good company....

So since the blog is called confessions of a lonely perverted soul i think i should confess that i have a slight female foot fetish.. Not in the weird sucking toes kind of way... I just like to look at girls from the bottom to top rather than top to bottom.. Beautiful and pretty feet are definite pre-requisite for me in a girl...And some nice shoes are also good... :P

I think im gona go just roam around in my car.. Have any of you ever done that..? Just drive around with no where to go... Go right when u feel like going right and go left when you feel like going left.... I do that alot... you should try it sometimes...

Emo Times are So Fucked Up

So Emo times are so Weird... I dedicate this song to my Nani... You're like a shining star in heaven....



In Loving Memory By Alterbridge

Thanks for all you've done
I've missed you for so long
I can't believe you're gone
You still live in me
I feel you in the wind
You guide me constantly

I've never knew what it was to be alone, no
Cause you were always there for me
You were always waiting
And now come home and I miss your face so
Smiling down on me
I close my eyes to see

And I know, you're a part of me
And it's your song that sets me free
I sing it while I feel I can't hold on
I sing tonight cause it comforts me

I carry the things that remind me of you
In loving memory of
The one that was so true
Your were as kind as you could be
And even though you're gone
You still mean the world to me

I've never knew what it was to be alone, no
Cause you were always there for me
You were always waiting
But now I come home and it's not the same, no
It feels empty and alone
I can't believe you're gone

And I know, you're a part of me
And it's your song that sets me free
I sing it while I feel I can't hold on
I sing tonight cause it comforts me

I'm glad he set you free from sorrow
I'll still love you more tomorrow
And you will be here with me still

All you did you did with feeling
And You always found the meaning
And you always will
And you always will
And you always will

Ooo's

And I know, you're a part of me
And it's your song that sets me free
I sing it while I feel I can't hold on
I sing tonight cause it comforts me

Emo times makes me think of weird stuff... They even made me think of her.. You think of all kinds of things... Its just so weird... My annual leaves are ending.. Work starts from Monday....

Youtube is back

So atleast youtube is back.... :D

life is tough

So people for those of you who don't know.. My beloved nanijan passed away after 2 days of my mamoo passing away... She just cudn't live without her beloved son... She was the most beautiful and perfect lady i had seen... She loved everyone ... She loved me alot and i loved her... I would never forgive her and no one will ever replace her... She will be missed alot.... I've cried alot for her... She was like the "Dua denay wali machine" for our family.... Hope my Mom and family have the strength to move on... Hmm...

Grey's Finale

So it was really awesome.... Thats all i can say.... Can't wait for next season.... :)

Drained and FB

So got back from lahore yesterday after the Qul and everything... I am physically and emotionally drained... Watching loved ones cry and you yourself trying not to cry takes alot out of you.. And you have to do some sort of work around the house as you being one of able body human beings around takes it out of you physically... Im glad that the first couple of days after the death of my mamoo are over and now everyone can get back to back to their lives and me getting back to my annual leaves and roaming around isloo..(yea feels a bit guilty but you have to move on..)

Yesterday night tried out the new cafe cum dine out cum sheesha bar in f-10.. Rock bistro i think its called... I think its a nice place to hang out and its not that expensive if you don't order the not so good drinks (also very little quantity)... As usual nice place for a date as we all boys party like to call it....

So trying to pass the annual leaves that i have left in the best possible way.. Lets see what happens...

So since every one around has their opinion on the whole FB ban thing.. I thought i should write something about it too....

First of all lets make one thing clear... Something needed to be done... We couldn't just ignore it...

Secondly im not pro Ban and im not either against...

I don't think it was the right step to take.... Something should have been done on a legal level against FB instead of just banning the site... Like it was done against youtube when a Rape video of a British Mom ran out it for a couple of hours....

Also i don't think the FB ban was done with the right intentions.. they must have had something else in mind... ( but im not sure about it)...

Furhtermore, we are no longer in the 1990's... We have equipment now to Ban single URL's instead of the whole Fucking domain....So that should have been done...

The Ban was announced by uneducated people who don't know shit about IT....

Also one other thing... I think banning whole sites would just inspire more attention seekers to do more stuff like this....

Anyways... this problem is like a distraction for a troubled country like ours...

We have things like the Energy crisis.. CNG crisis... Hunza valley floods to worry about...

Death

So while the country is worrying abt the facebook ban and all that shit.. My mamo passed away at arnd 2:20pm today(yesterday now).. May he rest in peace.. He was one of the nicest and soft spoken man i knew.. Just like my tayaa who passed away a cpl years back.. All the nice ppl are leaving ths world.. He was a true "darwaish".. Never bothered anyone for his work.. Even whn he cudnt walk... Even whn he was dead he had smile on his face.. Allah unko jannat atta keray.. We shall miss him..

Is it true..

Well.. is it true..? Will there never be another betty... I think thats reality... We just like to make us feel better... But in truth is that there won't be another one like that......

Hoping for the best

So currently the situation is slightly better... I mean atleast there is hope now.. But its a long process.. And im leaving probably tomorow for isloo.. Back to my routine and trying to start enjoyin my annual leaves... Hope everythng goes gud.. Btw my mom is still looking for a girl for me.. So any1 interested?

So it lingers...

So its still the same situation.. Now im just thnking tht Allah will do the best.. Whethr he passes him onto the next life where inshaALLAH he will be in heaven... Or he keeps him alive in ths life.. In whch insaALLAH he will be in a better condition.. Now im just worried abt my nani ,mom and the rest of the family.. Hope Allah gives them the strength... Anyways on another note.. The only friend of mine.. Actually both of them were my friends.. There relationship might not be working out.. I mean they were the only ppl in my life that were a done deal.. Btw i had a crush on ths girl for a long time and i was kinda jealous of my frnd.. But stil i wanted them to be together and happy.. Its the usual deal with parents and stuff.. Let me get free and thn im gona push them two... Lets see wat happens.. But ths was kinda shock to me... Also my last 2 posts have been frm my cellphone.. So my hands are aching now.. Anyways take care everyone.. Hoping tomorrow is a better day..

COMA WTF!

So im in lahore rite now and my mamoo is in coma.. I mean things are so weird when a person close to your family is in coma.. You mostly know that the person is going to pass away.. That only a miracle will save them.. Sometimes i wish this was one of grey's episodes and mcdreamy would be the hero and save the patient with one of his remarkable surgeries... But this is real life and bad things mostly happen.. Its almost 2 years ago that my tayaa went into a coma.. And my dad and all of us had to go through it all.. And now my mom and her family is going through it all especially my mamii and her kids... My nani is in depression which is also the worst and scary... Its just so sad and fucked up but this is life and people just have to deal with it.. All we can do is go through it all and cry with them and just try to deal with it in best possible way.. I just hope everything happens for the best... Today was my first day of my first half of annual leaves... Yesterday was pretty bad.. Today was the worst.. Im just hoping the rest of my annual leaves arent the same.. Please pray for a miracle.. Thats all we can do..

Rootless tree

So really shit happens... and sometimes its really alot.......Today was a shitty day... I just can 't believe how shitty the day was.... Anyways... Im really into damien rice these days.... So fuck it....




rootless tree

what i want from you
is empty your head
they say be true,
don't stain your bed
we do what we need to be free
and it leans on me
like a rootless tree
what i want from us
is empty our minds
we fake a fuss
and fracture the times
we go blind
when we've needed to see
and this leans on me
like a rootless...
so fuck you
and all we've been through
i said leave it
it's nothing to you
and if you hate me
then hate me so good that you can let me out
let me out of this hell when you're around

what i want from this
is learn to let go
no not of you
of all that's been told
killers reinvent and believe
and this leans on me
like a rootless...
so fuck you
and all we've been through
i said leave it
it's nothing to you
and if you hate me
then hate me so good that you can let me out
let me out of this hell when you're around
let me out...
and fuck you, fuck you, i love you
and all we've been through
i said leave it
it's nothing to you
and if you hate me
then hate me so good that you can let me out
let me out...
it's hell when you're around

9 Crimes

Somebody recommended this song to me and grew into it.. Initially to me it wasn't something special but with time and mood i liked it...



leave me out with the waste this is not what i do
it's the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you
it's the wrong time for somebody new
it's a small crime and i got no excuse
and is that alright yeah?
i give my gun away when it's loaded
is that alright yeah?
if you don't shoot it how am i supposed to hold it?
is that alright yeah?
i give my gun away when it's loaded
is that alright yeah, with you?
leave me out with the waste this is not what i do
it's the wrong kind of place to be cheating on you
it's the wrong time she's pulling me through
it's a small crime and i got no excuse
and is that alright yeah?
if i give my gun away when it's loaded
is that alright yeah?
if you don't shoot it how am i supposed to hold it?
is that alright yeah?
i give my gun away when it's loaded
is that alright?
is that alright with you?
is that alright yeah?
if i give my gun away when it's loaded
is that alright yeah?
if you don't shoot it how am i supposed to hold it?
is that alright yeah?
i give my gun away when it's loaded
is that alright
is that alright with you
and is that alright yeah?
is that alright
is that alright
is that alright with you?
no?

I like mother's day

So seriously im a momma's boy... i can't think of living without my mom... She take cares of everything... Even today she made me breakfast... she never gets tired of making me breakfast or making me eat my breakfast or lunch or dinner.... even when i always reject it... i can't even think of day when she didn't say to me keh khana kha lo... She always takes care of me and doesn't care about herself.... No matter how late i come she always gets up to open the door and to make sure that i have eaten.... She always tries to make me happy... I soo love you mom... Even though i maybe the worst person to have as a kid... And im never good to you... but your always good to me... I love you the most... Im sorry for all the trouble and pain that i caused... i'll love you always and forever...

So this time i thought i should take out my mom for lunch and shopping... So i did... I like Mothers day... it reminds to be good to my mom... it reminds me to promise myself that ill give my mom more time... But i never do...She deserves so much for me... I LOVE YOU MOM!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe, kinda, Not sure

So things are just a little weird.... I dont know why but they kinda are... I need a break from my job.. and will probably get after next week.... Things are not that bad actually (excluding my job) but a little weird... Just finished watching the latest episode of greys anatomy... Kinda liked it.. These days i dont watch anything in one go.. I just cant get my self to give sometime anything for that amount of time.... Im really not thinking long term these days... Which maybe good or maybe bad.. Not sure.. Im just not sure of things... I need to concentrate on some kind of change.. Dont know what kind.... I kinda miss my bother.... I need some angry music... So have been listening to 3 days grace.... Im bored... I need something exciting.. But the problem is that what is exciting to most people isn't exciting to me.. and what is exciting to me isn't exciting for most of the people.... I just wana hang chill and relax after a hard day at work.... I think i need to get back to my daily posts or something...


PS: can anyone count the times i used "kinda" in this post.. :P

My first post from office

So this is my first post from my office :P Im just so tired of it today... Dont wana do anything....

Help Needed

First of All congratz AD on your engagement.. Hope you stay happy for the rest of your life.. And im kinda jealous... :P Anyways.. im looking for girls right now who can get me into parties.. Since all the parties are mostly couples only i need girls who can get me into them... So any of you girls wana help me out.. ill be really greatful to you.. :D.. Khair life is just moving along these days.. nothing special.. Watched a play recently... "We all fall down" ... It was nice.. funny and stuff... other than that nothing new... Just friends - job - home... thats mostly it....

Im broken

So last week was a mess... Really fucked up... Went to play paintball with my office team.. It was okay.. Was kinda scared that i would meet my ex there... People that know me know the reason for that... But i didnt.. But a team mate of mine nearly lost an eye... Which was fucked up... Then Next day had to stay the whole night on site due to fucking pre-paid issues... Next day went the same... Friady was like hectic.. Went to office in the morning.. Then went for gaming at FAST NASCON at night.. Got our assess kicked.. :P Then on saturday Lucky bastards MAN U scored in the last minute... Than again had to stay the whole night in office again due some other GPRS issues.. Life sucks... Sunday spent it with friends... which was okay.. Arsenal fucking lost again.... An Ex of a friend of mine got married on Sunday so he was down... So hung out with him... Life sucks... Whatever... Need something else.. Job is taking over...This week im on evening duty which sucks.... Love this song... I love the emotion in it....



I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

�Cause I�m broken when I�m lonesome
And I don�t feel right when you�re gone away

You've gone away, you don't feel me anymore

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There�s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

�Cause I�m broken when I�m open
And I don�t feel like I am strong enough
�Cause I�m broken when I�m lonesome
And I don�t feel right when you�re gone away

�Cause I�m broken when I�m open
And I don�t feel like I am strong enough
�Cause I�m broken when I�m lonesome
And I don�t feel right when you�re gone away

�Cause I�m broken when I�m lonesome
And I don�t feel right when you�re gone

You've gone away, you don't feel me anymore

Sex (lets just forget about the making love) Part 2

So some of the comments on my previous post made me really curious...And made me want to conduct a serious public poll of sorts....How many people out there think that sex is overated??.... There will be just 2 options...
1: Yes, sex is overated...
2:No, sex is not overated...

There would be no abstaining....Think of it as a social experiment....And which can only be conducted with the help of the couple of so readers that i have....Please make the same poll on your blog as well.. and spread the same to your readers.. and ask them to do the same.... I'll give it 1 month since im a very unknown person... Ill be glad if we can get 100 votes in total.... We'll tally our results after one month and see what happens.... Anyways this just a suggestion .. I hope some you guys and girls would wana go through wid it.... you can vote by commenting on this post also.... I just dont know how to make a poll on my blog.. :P Anyways.. lets see what happens....

Anyways.. getting back to my life here.... Thanks to my friend buying a bryan adams cassette for his really old barely running car going at speed of 30 hm/hour....Im now stuck on summer of 69... Its just one those songs that everybody has heard...and almost everybody likes... But life is just so ironic ...like the alanis morissette's song "ironic".... coz my ex-gf nick on msn was "summer of 69"... Now that just cracks me up... I mean its not like im going all depress again thinking abt her.. its just that i find this really funny.... And this happens to once every month... i find something in my life which is so related to her.. or just my mind thinks that way.... Last month was Kajol's acting in my name is khan... She was soo like her...:D Hahahahah... i just find it so damn funny... Anyways.. people please do think about going through with that poll thing....Heres summer of 69...

Making Love

So has any of you ever though that whats so special about making love AKA sex... Seriously... have you..we all know that all us love it but have we ever thought that why we love it other than it just feels so good wala part... Is the story the story of Adam and Eve and the garden of eden true.. Did Hazrat Adam ate the forbidden fruit to impress a girl..just so he can be the "bad boy"...Or am i committing some kind of blasphemy here.. Human beings love the act of making love and once one of does commit that act they in most of the case just can't stop thinking about it.. I have a question for the doctors out there.. is it really true that some of us really have a high sexual drive as compared to others... Wat is the measure of a persons sexual drive biologically.. Can it be measured? ... if it can.. has anyone ever done the test of measuring the sexual drives of a normal person and let say of a rapist... If there really is something biological about have a high sexual drive than can't a rapist plead not guilty in court on the grounds that he just couldn't help it.. :P
I really am going weird today... Am just bored with life and trying to stir up something new...

I wanted to write something romantic about making love but just couldnt... was just maybe not in the mood.... Something about the feeling you get when you kiss someone or someone kisses you.. and when you touch someone and someone touches you.... I don't know... Im thinking about studying economics or human psychology in my free time.. Recommend me some good and simple books on these subjects if you have in mind...
Im getting really fat these days .. :P Its bad being lonely and perverted.. But now im fat too... Things are bad now.. Thinking of changing the name to "FAT lonely perverted soul" ... Now i really have no chance of finding a girl.... Hmmm....

So Somehow

So im bored right now and have to go to office tomorrow which is so messed up.... And office is so fucked up these days.. Like with all the small fucking politics....Anyways have to go through it all... I really should blog on a regular basis.. So that i can get back to good things... I need to start reading somehow... I was just passing by the book shop today and i saw the new fatima bhutto book "Songs of Blood and the Sword".. i think i shud start with that one... But i dont know if i can... I need new things .. i need new stuff... But i dont want new people... I want the same old people.... I hang out with the same people everyday and i like it... But i do want someone from the opposite sex... That will be good....:P But those things are left up to my mother now.... Im really bored... I've been just lazy and stuff.. need some stuff.... I think "Silverchair" has never been on my blog so im gona start with their debut song "tomorrow"... They really have been i really coool band... So they are a must listen.... And the video is so weird.. I really want to make something like that right now... Here it is...



Things have been so messed up around me... Like how the fucking sake does Shoaib Malik and Sania Mirza came on the TV so much i mean... What happened to the people dieing of hunger and the bomb blasts everywhere... Well seriously our media is really messed up.. They really are like Pakistani people .... They always mess up good things... The free press was a good thing but now i think that its not for the pakistani people.... And then the jinnah hospital thing between the doctors and the press... Really man.. Do we really have to fight among themselves...??

Anyways.. Im just bored... I need some projects but im so sick and tired of the bloody politics.... And im soo fucking jealous of the couples roaming around me... I mean where were we when we were in high school... Or are we just victims of the A-level crowd who are in a different dimension of the country known as Pakistan....

PS: I so want Arsenal to beat barca....

Bewafa.. Gulity Pleasure

For some odd reason i like this odd.. :D.. Somebody shoot mee....

Somebody Kill Depression

So its been like a month since my month since my last month.... No i didnt leave blogging.. i just couldnt get myself to blog... Ive again doing some bad things lately... Hope God can forgive me... Yea i really am one his weirdest creations... He really must have been proud when he made coz i think his goal was to make everyone different and he definitely achieved it with me... So wats been up since my last post... Lets try to some it up... Hmm.. Well mostly Job... Yea i think without my job i would really have been useless.. My job makes me feel worthwhile... But i get so fed up sometimes from all the small politics and shit... Why wont anyone just let me do my job....Anyways.. other than that i just mainly hang out with friends.... Like i always do... Went to lahore for almost a week initially for my cousin's wedding... And it was weird wedding .. Firstly because it just felt weird and secondly because everyone including me was looking for a girl for me... Kinda found one but i dont know wat happened on it.. I just let my Mom handle these things for me....Anyways.. had to stay in lahore for a week on office project... Missed my mom.. Yea im a Momma's boy even though i dont show it to her for some reason i dont know.... My Sister in law came back... which was nice... Arsenal is going good .. Really hoping they win the league this time.... Bought Mauj's new album.. Its really good.. Must listen.... One of my really good friends also came back to Pakistan this weekend... And i have been having fun after a long time.. Life is same as before just going with the end.... I was in on of my down moods just now... Trying to make it good.... I hope i can get back to blogging on a regular basis.. And hope to start commenting on your blogs soon....

Blue...Snuff

Well last week was bad... i did something i shouldnt have done... Any nobody would do and some people wont even think of it but i did it... Which sucks alot.... I hope time will make me forget what i did... Anyways... its not like i was so innocent before... Other than that week was a little heavy... Head kept heavy most of the time... Mainly coz of the late nite sleeping... I think ive decided that im probably gona marry the next girl my parents talk to me about... I think ive had it.. And will just go on...

Anyways... Man u lost and arsenal won which is always a good thing..... Went to a play today... It was okay i guess... Needed something to make it gel but it didnt i think... i still have a heavy head.... Some of the songs i have been listening to over the week...

I really dont know

I really dont know whats up with my life these days.... Its just going along... Actually i think i still dont know what i want anymore.... After the surprising fucked up feelings on the night before yesterday.. i have a back to square one feeling... Anyways.. Hanging in there..... The V day is almost here.... Another useless day thats going to be..... Hoping to go to a concert today to have some kind of fun.... Listening to this song by 30 seconds to Mars these days....



Into the night
Desperate and broken
The sound of a fight
Father has spoken

We were the kings and queens of promise
We were the victims of ourselves
Maybe the children of a lesser God
Between Heaven and Hell
Heaven and Hell

Into your eyes
Hopeless and taken
We stole our new lives
Through blood and name
In defense of our dreams
In defense of our dreams

We were the Kings and Queens of promise
We were the victims of ourselves
Maybe the Children of a lesser God
Between Heaven and Hell
Heaven and Hell

The age of man is over
A darkness comes at dawn
These lessons that we learned here
Have only just begun

We were the Kings and Queens of promise
We were the victims of ourselves
Maybe the Children of a Lesser God
Between Heaven and Hell

We are the Kings
We are the Queens
We are the Kings
We are the Queens

Still Happens...

.Advice in life.... Dont love someone so much that you end up hating them in the end when they leave.....

Saw her today.... Still get that fucked up feeling....

Thanks For the Memories...... Yea Rite

So really Thanks for the memories....I don't know if u get it but im being hugely sarcastic here.... Today was a bad day after sometime.. Felt weird... Its not like i hate my memories .. Im just sick and tired of it.... No im not just talking about the memories with my EX... Im just talking about my memories in general... Memories are just so OVERRATED.... I dont like them anymore... I just feel like that right now... Memories are just something that just keep bugging you or making you laugh.. There just i dont know...(In the words of a teenage girl... "BLEH"...) Anyways... I got this feeling after work and i was just driving around in my car coz my parents werent home and i had no one to open the door for me.... "Thanks for the memories" by Fall out boy came up...(Yea i like Fall out boy) At that point in my life this song just felt so angry and sarcastic and frustrated... Though it felt good... I sang to it to the top of my lungs.... Well im trying to something... but dont know what.. maybe something to do with work.... Anyways ... REALLY... THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES... NOW FUCK OFF....